Runescape Chronicles
by Streak9
Summary: Here chronicled are the life and times of young man named Joe Player Killer. If nobody else will take the quest, he will. UPDATED!
1. Cook's Assistant

Okay, all of these characters are friends of mine on Runescape or me myself in the game. And all I'm gonna do is go from quest to quest. There lengths'll depend on how long the quest is, so anyway. Enjoy!

Runescape Chronicles

Cook's Assistant

Joe sat across from Woofy, waiting for him to play. He put a card facedown, Joe did the same. "5." Exclaimed Woofy. "4.." Joe sighed. "You win." Woofy smiled beneath his grizzly beard. "Booyah!" and he slid the card across the table into his pile. "I am the War Hero!" he laughed. Joe joined in enthusiastically. "Land Ho!" the two looked up.

They had been heading to a place known as Runescape, a place of magic and knights. The two had traveled from Shilo Village in Karamja to live in the land with all of their distant friends from across the sea.

"Lumbridge at the starboard bough!" yelled the lookout. Woofy and Joe dropped their cards and hurried up on deck.

The sky was just beginning to drizzle rain. "Good timing too." Said the captain on his peg leg, walking up behind them. "A storm's blowing in." But the two had their eyes fixed on the castle looming up above high stone walls and beyond the swamps ahead, where they would hopefully be spending the night.

Joe and Woofy waved off the boat as it turned around, and they looked around at Lumbridge. A city filled with shops and concession stands. "Selling Rune Axe!" "Buying Bronze Arrows or Daggers!" People were calling out in the bustling crowd infront of the castle. A man ran up to them, want to buy Full Plate Black?" "No thanks, Sir!" Joe brushed him off.

The courtyard was much quieter with nothing but a few beggars crawling around. One came up to him wearing nothing but tattered shorts and an apron. "Please spare some money, young sirs." He grobbled. Woofy gave in and tossed him a few gp. "Oh thank you ever so much!" he smiled hopefully and turned away. "Always helping aren't you Woofy, especially yourself in card games." Joe remarked and they chuckled as they pushed opened the front doors of the castle. "Joe, how bout you find us some room while I explore the town to see if I can find anything." Woofy asked. "Sure, I'll check out the castle, cya!" Joe answered back and they bade eachother farewell.

Lumbridge Castle was like any castle he had ever heard about, an enormous foyer that led into a multiplex of smaller rooms, with two floors. Joe heard some racket from the room near the one he was in.

He walked into what appeared to be a master kitchen. A tan-skinned cook in a white apron and hat was running back and forth frantically. Looking for something. "Oh dear, oh dear! I forgot, I forgot! The Duke will have my head! Oh dear!" he was pulling out drawers and throwing them on the floor, looking for whatever it was she was looking for. "Excuse me?" The cook continued to scramble around in a worried frenzy. "Do you have room and board for me and my friend?" the cook continued, grumbling rudely at Joe as he passed him by. "You need some help!" he yelled, annoyed. "Yeah, what's it to you?" he said rudely throwing a drawer into the wall next to Joe. "If I help you, could you give me and my friend a room to stay for tonight?"

The cook looked up, "So you would help _me_?" Joe nodded, annoyed. "And then you want me to give you free board and room?" Joe nodded again, getting impatient. "Fine, then I want to see you get me my ingredients." The Cook said in reply. "First, what is going on here.", "Okay, my name is Cook. And it was left up to me to bake the cake for the Duke of Lumbridge today. But I completely forgot, and I don't even have all the ingredients I need! So if you say you could help me, I hope you can. Because if you can't, I'm ruined! So could you please help me?" the Cook pleaded now. "Fine.." Joe grudgingly agreed.

"Good! Now here's a pot, go get me some flour from the windmill to the northwest, hurry now! I've only got a few hours until the celebration!" and Cook shooed him urgently out of the kitchen.

"Well, I better get started.."

Joe walked down the road, thinking to himself. "So the windmill is up ahead, and there's a grain field right near it, this shouldn't be too hard." He looked up ahead. A windmill, its large pinwheel spinning slowly in the light wind. And not to far to its left was a field of fresh grain.

Joe made his way over to the fence that went up to his chest. He glanced at the house to the left of the field, the gate was closed. But Joe thought of something quick. He dropped down on his stomach and reached his hand, flat on the ground below the small gap at the bottom of the fence he liftyed it up slightly and grabbed a handful of grain stalks. And he slowly pulled them under the fence, their tips brushing against the bottom. He pulled them out and sat up. "Next up, Windmill." And he got up.

Joe walked up the spiral stairs and came out, a little hopper was in the center of the room. He sighed and dropped the grain down into the bin and sealed it. He stepped back and walked over to another part of the hopper. He pulled down the leather with a grinding noise and heard as the gears and tillers began to crank and whir. He hurried downstairs. As their was a mettalic groan and slowly at first, then in a flurry, the flour poured out into the round tub at the bottom. Filling up the bottom of it with a powdery white.

Joe leaned over and scooped up the flour into the pot, and he lifted it up and put it into his backpack. As soon as he sealed the top.

Joe walked on as he held a World Map infront of his face. "If my sense of direction is right that henhouse should be right-," he paused, taking down the map. "there." He folded up the map and looked up at the low fenced area infront of him. With distant clucking and cooing sounds from beyond. Joe turned a corner and pushed open the gate.

A Rooster bustled past his knees out onto the path. A couple farmers were running around trying to calm down the chickens, but making it seriously worse. Joe stumbled among the frenzied chickens to find some eggs. He leaned on the side of a large open henhouse. He peered inside cautiously. There were three nests filled with glossy eggs. He creeped toward him when he felt a sharp pain in his ankle. He yelled and whirled around to see a hen nipping furiously at the back of his ankle. It screeched and Joe kicked it back. Throwing it backwards in a cloud of dust.

Now a pair of roosters charged straight at him. Joe gasped and ducked to the side, he grasped a handful of eggs and quickly slipped them in his backpack. The roosters charged at him. Clucking angrily after Joe. Joe ran out the gate and quickly closed the door, and the two roosters charged straight into the gate. Stabbing their beaks into it. "Oh yeah, and guys." He said enthusiastically to the two framers rounding up the chickens. 'Pitchforks might be more persuasive!" and he turned. "Hey, I bet there's a bucket in that house I could use to put the milk in when I get it."

As soon as Joey came out of the house he realized there was a field filled with cows right across from the farm he was at now. "I wonder how I never noticed that.." Joe asked himself. He hopped the fence and headed over to the nearest cow. "I wonder how I do this?" he poked the cow's utter and was pelted with a hoof straight in the face. He touched his cheek, feeling the small trickle of blood trailing down it. "So you wanna play hardball cow?" and he slipped on a Black Full Helm. "I can play hardball." He smirked.

Joe pulled the utter down once, the cow kicked his helmet. Vibrating it violently. This process continued until Joe had a full bucket of milk, and a concussion. "Now better the bring Cook to Milk I.." he stuttered dumbly.

(_You unscramble it, it shouldn't be too hard,)_

Joe stumbled into the kitchen holding a bucket full of frothing milk. He dropped it onto the counter with a small splash of white. "That's all right? _Please let that be all!" _Joe pleaded and groanedStarting to pull the other two ingredients out of his pack. First the flour, which he laid on the counter and removed the top. Revealing the powdery white substance. Then he he took the handful of eggs one by one out of his pack until four were on the wooden table. "And there's the milk." He yawned and motioned to the white liquid sloshing around in the wooden bucket.

"Excellent!" Cook said happily looking from one ingredient to the other. "You and your friend can certainly stay t the castle tonight. If anyone has any problems with it, tell them to talk it out with me, I'll give a good what for!" he patted him on the back and reached into a pocket in her apron. "And here, some gold for your troubles." She opened his hand and put a handful of gold in it. Joe's eyes widened for a moment. "Now shoo, shoo! I've got a lot to do in the next hour. And I hope to see you at the Duke's ball tonight, now go!" and he pushed him out of the room and shut the door. "Well, I don't have much choice now do I?" and at that moment. Woofy was running through the foyer doors. "Dude I got an awesome trade on a Sapphire Ammy!" Joe sighed exasperatingly. It bwas gonna be a long day..

I hope you liked it, I'm basically gonna try to do the easiest quests, going from Lumbridge and out. And sadly I don't play the game anymore myself, but I got kinda bored. And besides, this is easier. : )


	2. Restless Ghost

Well, I've gotten around to writing the next chapter. So, enjoy! R&R please!

Runescape Chronicles

Restless Ghost

Joe stepped through the church double doors. "Hello?" his voice ricocheted of the church walls, and its stain glass windows. "Is there anybody here, have I missed the Serman?" Joe asked out again. There was a stirring at the altar. 'Sir, Father. Have I missed the service?" Joe asked politely. The figure looked up. His robes of Saradomin ruffled as he did so, and he looked up from his book. "Yes, boy. Now I have better things to do." He snapped and looked back down to his book. Joe glanced down at it. It was about banishing ghosts and binding spectres back to their graves. "Like what?" There was a despaired wail from somewhere outside, chilling Joe to the bone. The candles burnt out.

The Father raised his eyebrows in reply "_That's _what!" he growled and got up, starting to re-light the candles. "There is a restless ghost in the cemetary, I intend to put it back to rest. I've tried Ouija and everything I can think of to make contact with it or make it happy. And this church has been closed down for about a week. Now go away, there is no Serman." He hissed, and returned to his book.

This so-called Priest of Saradomin sure wasn't very holy. "Maybe I can help you?" Joe suggested. "What could you possibly do?" "Well, is there something that you need me to do, or something? I tend to attract these type of situations."

"Oh, oh, fine. I have been meaning to visit Father Urhney in the swamps. Where he's off on vacation, meditating. He's my assistant minister. He might know something about this ghost problem of ours."

Joe walked out of the church grumbling. Lucas looked at him. "So, did we miss it?" "Yeah, by about a week. Now we have to go on a stupid quest, to the swamps." "_The swamps!_" Lucas burst out. "Great.."

The two hopped over a pile of rocks stuck in the murky, marsh ground. They hopped over on the other side, their feet sinking into the green mud. They walked forward onto a hill, their feet sloshing noisily in the mud. "Hey, that must be the guys hut." said Lucas.

Joe knocked on the door. There was no answer. "Father Urhney?" Joe cried out and creaked open the door. There was a grey-bearded man, sitting there. And to their astonishment, floating in mid-air in a meditating position. And sprawled around him was candles, burning low, as if they had been lit for a long while. "Urhney?" Lucas tapped Father Urhney's shoulders and the man cried out and fell on his back. "What is the meaning of this!" he pulled out a knife. "Who be you?" he pointed the knife threateningly at the two.

"We're here about a Ghost out the chapel graveyard, your chapel's graveyard, Lumbridge Cemetary. "Yes the Restless Ghost, I be seeing him through my meditations, you must be the two I been looking for, eh?" she got up and brushed himself off, and put the knife away. Then he walked off and shuffled through some drawers, mumbling to himself. Joe and Lucas exchanged glances. "Ahh!" he exclaimed. And shut the drawer and turned around, holding an amulet on a leather chord, holding a ruby. "The Amulet of GhostSpeak, it allows you to communicate with the restless spectres and spirits." He said in an ominous tone, and tossed it to them from across the room.

"Thank you Father Urhney!" Joe called as he closed the door.

Joe opened the cemetary gate, it was getting near nightfall now. And a weak mist wafted between the tombstones. Lucas followed behind him cautiously. Joe put the Amulet aroun dhis neck and the deppressed moans and groans of the ghost turned into ghostly voiced swears and grumbles. His eyebrows shot up, and he nodded to Lucas to follow. He made his way across the dew-covered grass to the crypt on the other side, where ghost howled from. He peeked into a window, there was the ghost, his exact words were muffled. He was a grey spirit in chainmail and chain legs, and he had a steel helmet that was like a straw hat., and his red eyes pierced the dim light that one candle only illuminated.

"H-hello?' Joe stammered as he opened the door to the tomb and peeked inside, there was a breathe of cold air and he shivered. "We shouldn't be here, we _really _shouldn't be here.." Lucas said and looked in through the window cautiously. "Who dares enter my chamber!" the Ghost wailed. "Umm.. We do?" Joe swallowed. "Leave, go awa-." He stopped, and looked at Joe carefully. "You can.. Understand me?" he said, more quietly. "Yes, and I want to help." He opened the door wider and stared straight at the Ghost, his gray skin was transparent and you could see the coffin and stone block wall behind him.

The Restless Ghost seemed to ponder a minute, and it became deathly silent. "Come in." and Joe tugged trembling Lucas inside as the torches ominously flamed up, as if the Ghost wished it so. The two sat down on a stone bench. "So what's the problem?" Joe asked weakly, the Ghost had dissepeared into the shadows. But suddenly his blood red eyes were visible again. He walked back into the light and answered: "One day a warlock came into here and robbed my coffin, stealing my skull for some insane reason. And my spirit cannot rest without it being fully put to rest." And he looked up at the roof, like he was looking up at the moon. Just rising out of the dark clouds. "So, where did he take it?" "He said something about taking it to his tower, to become immortal or something, I dunno. He was gonna study it anyway.." Hmmm…" Joe thought for a moment. "Warlock.. Wizards…Tower, tower…aha! The Wizard's Tower, that's probably where he took it!" the Ghost looked hopeful. "Could you bring back to me, mortal? I grow tired of being forever bound to this plane."

Joe nodded and tugged at Lucas's sleeve. "C'mon, we're going to the Wizard's Tower. Why, all that ghost told us was that he can moan, and groan, and clank those stupid chains of his.." Lucas yawned. "Nevermind that, I'll tell you an the way." He pulled him up and out the door. The Ghost staring after them curiously.

The two companions feet clanked against the wooden boards leading to the Wizard's Tower in their armor, slowly walking forward. They pushed open the doors and walked in. The place was just a mess of doors, stairs, ladders, and books. It was almost like a maze. The two descended the stairs to the basement of the Tower. The Basement was divided into three chambers by stone walls. In one room was a skull, resting on a stone shelf. Joe inched toward it, a candle burned next to it, as if it had been started just an hour or two ago.

Joe wrapped his hnad around it, but there was a flash of light from inside the light, sending beams of light across the room. He staggered back and Lucas caught him. A mysterious mist wafted out of the skull's eye sockets swirled around slowly, creating a purple cloud. There was a clank and a skeleton lunged out of the smoke and Joe and Lucas leered to opposite sides and the skeleton slammed into the wall, knocking off its skull. It reached down and reattached it, then it turned back to the companions. Blood red dots glowing in his darkened eye sockets. The two pulled out their weapons.

Joe his Mithril Schimmy, and Lucas his iron two-hander. Joe spun the scimitar in his hands and charged the skeleton, stabbing through some of it's ribs, and sending them flicking off to the floor. The skeleton whirled its hands about and hit Joe, in the face, sending him staggering backward. Then Lucas swiped off his skeletal arm and Joe leered to the side to strike, the skeleton dodged skillfully, its bones clanking. And it kicked Lucas in the gut.

He fell on his back and Joe dodged a blow and swiped off its skull, then sliced in half while in mid-ar. And it became a pile of bones on the floor. Then he picked up the skull and put it in his pack. Then he helped Lucas up. "Bud, wakey-wakey, time to go." He smiled humorously.

The two listened as the Ghost moaned, it was actually moaning this time, even to Joe's ears. He knocked on the door, and the Ghost whipped open the door, stirring up the leaves slightly. And the Ghost became very giddy with delight as he sensed his skull nearby. Joe supplied it from his back, and he noticed the Ghost seemed to waver.

Joe walked over to the coffin, and slowly pulled open the cover. There was a dusty skeleton, and it was lined with cobwebs. And there was an indention in the fabric above the neck bone where a skull had once been. He slowly screwed the head back on. He turned and saw the ghost waver and blur, slowly taking on the form of a mist that wafted into the newly replaced skull. "_Thank you…"_ and Joe felt Prayer Magic running through his veins, he heaved a deep sigh and shuddered slightly. Then he slid the cover of the coffin back on and turned to Lucas.

"Dude, ya coming?" but Lucas was curled up on the stone bench, snoring softly. Joe shrugged and dusted off the rug at the entrance of the tomb. Then he wrapped dropped it onto Lucas and he snuggled in and lay his head on the opposite side of the bench. And fell softly to sleep in a few minutes, just as the sun came up.

And later, a couple hours later, Father Aerick sneaked between the tombstones and glanced inside the painted-glass window. He put his hands over his eyes and aquinted, trying to see through the awkward light from the other windows and the dusty windows. He rubbed his eyes and looked again, had he seen those two little adventurers sleeping on the stone bench? He looked, there was nothing but darkness and the strange multi-colored light that made the objects it shined on distorted. He chuckled to himself, _they had probably not returned from their quest yet. They probably got lost in the swamps.._ He shook of the thought that the Ghost had got them, and continued to his work. Writing in his journal about the strange incident, but there was something missing. The Ghost wasn't moaning any longer..

Well, the second installment of the Chronicles has arrived, I'm actually having fun writing these. It's kinda fun writing about this type of thing. I don't know why, maybe it's because it's already played out or something..


	3. Rune Mysteries

Well, new chapter, here we are! The new chapter, New Quest, and now Joe's got a new way to find all these quests. Which is much more easier to work with..

Runescape Chronicles

Rune Mysteries

Duke Horacio tapped his foot impatiently on the floor he heard steps on wooden stairs and sat up.A Guard with a young man with scraggly black hair and in black armor. "Oh great, another pickpocket, do with him as you please."

"No, sir, umm.. This is the adventurer who we said we would find for you.' The Duke's look brightened. "The One for the Quest?" "Yep, that's me!" the adventurer smiled humorously. "Let him go and leave us." The Duke commanded. The Guard released his grip on young Joe's arm and clanked back down the stairs.

"So are you the one, calling yourself…Player Killer, and.. Quest Solver?" Horacio asked. Joe nodded, he had put up a few fliers around Lumbridge and a couple surrounding farms that he would be your quest solver, if you happened to need it. And it told them that he had been staying at Bob's Axes. Bob was the one who suggested the idea, already sending out Fliers to cities such as Varrock and Draynor Village. He had a nice lot of customers too.

"Good then." Duke Horacio smirked. Then I have a Quest for you." The Duke eyed him for any signs of backing out. But the adventurer stood there, smiling politely and glancing from corner to corner at the side of his eyes. "Hmmph." He mumbled something and said "Well, I need to send this Air Talisman to a wizard named Sedridor, at Wizard's Tower. He is a Research Wizard. You got that?"

Joe nodded. "Good, and he'll probably ask you to help him a bit I'm sure. So go off now, the quest is easy. I'm sure you can do it." And Joe bowed and then ran off down the stairs. "The Boy is too serious." He thought aloud and turned down to a scroll and started reading.

Joe clanked across the wooden-planked bridge to the Wizard's Tower. "Didn't think I would be here again so soon." He took the Air Talisman out of his pack. A Wizard studying the plantlife on the outside of he Tower looked up and gazed at it like it was a whole treasure chest of gold. And as he walked into the Tower, Wizard's gave him greedy glances at it out of the corners of their eyes. He walked up to a gray-haired one with a bun in her hair. "Where is Wizard Sedridor?" Joe asked. She looked at him, glancing at the Talisman out of her eye. "The Basement, studying the ruins." He turned around and sighed, _the Basement, again?_

Joe hurried down the stairs and at first sees nothing, before he got used to the almost complete darkness, excepts for the light of a couple torches. There was some muttering in the corner. He walked over to the Wizard. At first the Wizard didn't notice him, he was studying the ragged corner of the Tower, writing a diagram in the scroll he was holding with the other hand. And his glasses had a glare in them, it looked like he had been in that spot for hours. "Wizard Sedridor?" Joe asked.

The Wizard looked up with a start, and dropped his quill onto the floor. "Oh, yes?" he bent down and picked up his quill and put it back in the glass container filled with ink. "I have an Air Talisman, compliments of Duke Horacio." "Aah, the Talisman?" Joe handed it to him. "Ahh, soon, the craft of runemaking may just be possible again." He turned back to Joe after setting the Air Talisman on the rock shelf.

"I need you to give this." He pulled out a purple box. "This contains absolutely vital research on crafting runes. And I need you to take it to Aubury, a Magic Shop owner, he is in the slums of Varrock. And there are muggers and theifs in that area of town, you need to be careful. And don't get caught in any gang issues, okay?" Sedridor told him And then gave the box to Joe to put in his pack. I'll be seeing you in a few hours." He smiled and shooed him off.

Joe ducked behind a building and walked into the slums. There were ominous sounds coming from what seemed like every corner, and it was made up off alleys and small streets with graffiti and loose stones on it. Joe tried to stay in the shadows. A woman was running by, she was yelling and running from a masked man in a red sweater. A mugger. Joe felt obliged to protect the girl, he slowly slid his mythril scimitar. From its sheath, and sprinted through the shadows. The Mugger was fast, and if he didn't take him soon, he'd hurt the poor girl.

He sprung out of the shadows from against the building and slashed the mugger across the back and kicked him to the ground, unconscious. The Girl tripped just then, falling on the stones. He stood over her, holding his scimatar and holding his hand out to help her up. She scrambled backwards and got up off the ground, running from him. Like he was a lesser demon. And that screaming was sure to have already attracted a band of thieves. He waved his hyands as if shooing off an invisible person and turned to find himself face to face with the Magic Shop. A splintered wooden sign hung over the entrance, which was surrounded with graffiti. He slowly creaked open the door, their was a filter of dust wafting through the room. Light from the windows lit the place nicely, put the light seemed eerie and strange.

"Aubury?' Joe called quietly, not wanting, for some reason, to disturb the solemn silence. "Yes?" a young man in a white undershirt, and a tan vest walked up to the counter. He leaned on his elbow and looked at Joe uninterestingly. "Umm, I have some stuff from Wizard Sedridor for you." Joe looked around nervously.

Aubury's look brightened and he stood up, and reached down below the counter. He put a few scrolls, tied together with a couple rubber bands on the counter. But before he gave Joe anything, he opened a scroll from inside the box and read a couple paragraphs. "Hmm, I'm sure my notes can help Sedridor as much as anyone else's can. Because if this works, we may be able to start crafting runes again." He picked up the scrolls by the rubber band and tossed them to Joe, who caught them and put it in his pack.

Joe wiped sweat off his forehead and entered the Wizard's Tower again, and hurried down the stairs to the basement. Already pulling out the scrolls and tucking them beneath his arm. He ran up to Sedridor. "Aah, you're back? Do you have anything from Aubury?" Joe nodded and put the scrolls on the shelf. "You can go spend a bit in one of the guest chambers of the Tower, you're no doubt tired from all this traveling. I will come and tell you to come back in an hour or so.

Joe nodded, and walked out of the basement and up a ladder and into a guest chamber, resting until Wizard Sedridor needed him again.

Sedridor sent an apprentice mage up to get him, Joe got up. Fully rested, and hurried down to see what he'd found.

"Well, Joe. I found a nice bit of stuff. Because Aubury but the thing in freakin' code, so it took me a couple hours to decipher it and all. But he has a nice amount of stuff here. He has more time to go out and explore Runescape for new info." Joe swallowed. "But the good news is," Sedridor smirked. "We can now, once again, craft runes1" Joe's eyes widened. "And you can be teleported to the Rune Essence Mine!" "Rune Essence?" Joe wondered. "Yes, you mine it to make runes, Aubury sent me the hidden coordinates for it. And we can teleport you there. All you need to do is mine out some Essence with a pickaxe, ofcourse, bring it to one of the Rune Altars around Runescape, then bring it to the altar in the place you are transported to."

Joe nodded thoughtfully. "Now go, I have much more studying to do! You shall be one of the first in the land to ever runecraft before the word gets out to the masses!" and Joe hurried out. Wondering as he walked out of the Tower, the sun was approaching the horizon. He'd probably spend the night at Draynor Village tonight. (hint, hint)

Well, there ya have it folks. Rune Mysteries for ya, and I gave you just alittle hint about the next Quest he would be doing, hehe. The next _two _quests he would be doing..


	4. Vampire Slayer

Hehe, I've been waiting for this chappie. It's guaranteed to be an atleast slightly violent chapter, just to let you know. But I hope you'll enjoy it.

Runescape Chronicles

Vampire Slayer

Joe walked down the paved streets of Draynor Square, he walked over to a shop and put a flier on the wall and pinned it in. He sughed, he'd been doing this all morning, and that was the last one. He started to turn until someone tapped him on the shoulder. "Umm.. Sir, I couldn't help but read your signs. There might be something to do for me. Joe brightened, "Okay." "Let's talk it over in my home over there."

Joe sat down across a wooden table from the man, who was sipping coffee silently while he secretly thought. "He took the cup down and lay it on the table. "My name is Morgan." The man said. "Joe here, nice to meet you." The two shook hands and continued. "So what's the problem around here?"

"There is a vampire in Draynor Manor north of here, he is called Count Draynor, and he comes to terrorize us in the night. He steals away women and they're never seen again. People say they're turned into his undead army. And countless have tried, some never come back, some come out, screaming for their lives, and they can never speak anything but gibberish." Joe held up his hand to stop him for a moment. "What kind of gibberish?" 'Something about ghosts, skeletons, and demons. It's not actually gibberish, just a bunch of stuttered and muddled words it seems like they slur together." Joe put his hand to his chin. "Sounds like fun, when do I start?"

"Umm.. Now, and there is some garlic I've been keeping in my room to keep him away in the cupboard up there, but don't take all of it, I still need some to ward him off. Good luck. And you should go find DR. Harlow at the Jolly Boar Inn, I'm sure he can help you!"

Joe stepped over a skull and shivered, the Jolly Boar Inn was a rusty old place, with rickety boards, and there were always cruel and drunken laughs echoing from outside. And outside of it there lay a mess of debris of all sorts, Joe stumbled over a Adamantite Sword there once. Which he had put in the bank to save it for when he could use it. And to make it worse, the place was right on the edge of the Wilderness, and even from here, you could hear the faint roars of dragons that were told to reside within it.

Joe creaked open the door and went in, his black armor clanking quietly. There were two men in a bar fight, obviously drunk, and were throwing lazy punches at one another. But the other men were laughing and enjoying every minute of it. But he eventually found someone who looked like Dr. Harlow description 'purple shirt, probably stained with beer, and black pants, and he might be wearing a white coat, I dunno.'

He wasn't wearing a white coat, but that had to be him. "Dr. Harlow, sir?" Joe tapped him on the shoulder. "He turned around suddenly, and jerked around enthusiastically. This man was obviously beyond drunk, and his breathe was atrocious. Joe had to keep himself from hurling. "Yeah, what 'e it, boyo?" Joe blinked and answered "I kinda need info on how to kill a vampire." "Bring me another beer, Karly! And Benny," he looked at Joe with feasting eyes. "I wanna eat your arm." And he laughed drunkenly and pointed to a the bartender. "Me need beer, Billy is hungry!" Joe looked at him for a moment, and turned to the bartender. "Two beers please, he put some silver on the counter. He nodded and poured the two beers. He took them and nodded, then he plopped them down infront of Harlow. "There?"

But his mouth dropped when Harlow got up on the table and poured the beer on his head, dancing like an insane monkey. The people turned their attention from the pointless barfight to the Doctor, and clapped along with his dance. Joe knocked over the salt on purpose and Harlow tripped on it. And Joe caught him by the scruff of his neck. "You gonna tell me or not, old man?" he glared at him impatiently.

He smiled stupidly and said. "Steak!" and he leered his head forward and snapped a already half-eaten steak from his plate. But at the same time he tossed a wooden stake at Joe, who let him fall to the floor. He caught it skillfully, and he smirked. The Doctor winked at him. He shrugged and put the stake in his pack.

Well, this was it. Joe stood at the gates of Draynor Manor, black clouds were wirling ominously in a spiral above it, and nightfall was approaching. He took the stake in one hand, and flipped out his mythril long in the other hand. "Lock and load." He swung the sword in his hand and walked on, the gate opened for him. He took step by step across the battered stone path leading up to the Manor. He reached to knock on the door, but it too, creaked open for him, a couple of rats scuttled at his feet. He walked in, the place was coated in dust, and there were no lights, but yet the place was eerily lit.

And spiders lurked on their webs in just about every corner. Plus again, there were the rats scuttling around occasionally on the floor, and he could have sworn some of the pictures watched him. He put his blade over his shoulder and found the stairs to the basement. He walked down them, swallowing. Illusions of his worst fears began to swirl around him, taunting him, and torturing him with his fears.

Joe wanted to turn around and run away from this place forever. But his mind kept him going, and soon enough the visions vanished, and a ghost took their place. And this wasn't fake, it was a greyish color, and transparent. He slashed at it, cutting it through, it screeched and he jabbed it. It put its hand over his mouth, attempting to suck out his soul. He leered backward and slashed at it with his stake. Then he kicked it and held it pinned with the stake. Of which he peeled a splinter of it off and stuck it through the Ghost, trapping it hard against the wall. "The Player Killer isn't so easily defeated." He swung his sword back over his shoulder and continued.

He stepped on velvet carpet, and their were beautiful tapestries on the wall, and a heat boiler in the corner. Plus a chandelier on the ceiling to top it all off, and this room was really lit, with torches on each wall. And there were bones piled up in the corners, though it almost looked like the bones had been polished. He shivered, and the room still had an eerie cold to it. And then his eyes fell on it.

There was a mahogany coffin raised on a small obsidian platform. And it was trimmed with gold, and he stared at it, its menacing aura sending fearful images through his mind. He needed to fight it. He succeeded, the aura of menace receded and swarmed around the coffin. And for some strange reason, Joe knew that sundown was almost here, in a matter of minutes. He thought it might be the sudden heat of temperature in the room, or the ominous breathe from in the coffin that told him. But he knew. He creeped toward the coffin, the aura struck him again.

He resisted and successfully ignored it, the images in his mind distorted and it gave up, and disappeared altogether. And he reached for the coffin, and slowly slid off the cover, it grated silently. And he raised the stake, put the hand that was on the coffin was grabbed by a pale hand from _inside _the coffin. And Joe's heart leapt into his throat. "I will feast tonight.." Count Draynor hissed. Joe shook him off, and the coffin cover floated into the air, and threw itself at him. Joe leered to the side as it hit the wall and tore through the center of a tapestry.

Joe pointed his blade towards the rising Count. His red cape flowing behind him. His eyes glowed red, and his fangs glistened with saliva in the torchlight. Joe charged Count Draynor and stabbed his sword directly through it. It screeched loudly and looked only irritated, blood dripped down the Count's chest. And his skin devoured the sword, entrapping it within him. He hissed and clawed at Joe, who dodged it skillfully.

"Why can't I hurt him?" Then he remembered, he must _have to_ use the stake and garlic. He dodged another set of swiped and ran across the room and pulled the Garlic out of his pack. Hen he waved it infront of him, the vampire caught the scent and hissed at him, gnashing his sharp fangs.

Then the Vampire waved his hands through the air and said a few words in the language of magic in his raspy voice. Red energy danced across the piles of bones in each corner, and they shook around and swirled through the air, connecting themselves together. Until an entire garrison of 12 undead skeletons stood around him. Now he _could_ use his sword. He unsheathed it and slashed at the first to skeletons, cutting their skulls off and they became a heap of bones on the floor. Joe knew that a skeletons weak point was their skull, which is where the spell affected, because they had to be able to think and be commanded. And they had to know some minor things, such as how to battle and such.

Joe flipped in the air and smashed to skeletons' heads together, shattering their skulls, and causing them to fall apart. He backflipped and tripped the last undead but it jumped up and kicked him in the face, sending him to the floor. He thought quick, if not, ther'd be another member to the Dead Head Squad. He got an idea, and he rolled to the side dodging the first blow. Then he pulled out a few runes, a couple Earth, some Air, and a Chaos Rune. He concentrated and said a few words in the language of magic himself. Then he said aloud. "Crumble Undead!" a flurry of red light burst from his outstretched arm, swirling around the skeleton and scorching his bones, and he soon enough crumbles and the blast dissipates. Joe slowly gets up, panting heavily. He wasn't a super good mage, and he didn't try to make a profession out of it. But he had learned that spell last week, and it looks like it was good he did. He hadn't found an emergency to use it until now, and now it left him drained.

The Count surged forward and grabbed him mentally and lifted him into the air, and put his hand infront of his face. Joe felt his body stiffen and cool down, and he watched as a grey mist seemed to waft into the vampire's hand. And he noticed that the vampire's muscles began to tense and enlarge. And he realized something, this was how he got his victims, he took the adventurers who came here, and the women and sucked out their soul. And then, he would reuse their soul to turn them into undead, and all at the same time strengthen, and keep his immortality going.

But Joe would not let this happen to him, he had survived worse than this in the Wilderness, on Red Dragon Isle, he could survive this, couldn't he? Then he got an insane idea, that seemed so obvious. He coughed first, feeling his life force being drained away. And he kicked Count Draynor nice in the groin, and sent him reeling backwards and into the boiler, he saw the steam hit his back, and his immortal flesh leak down it. The Count screamed and wheeled forward, he screamed and ran randomly, revealing his burnt flesh on his back. His clothes caught fire, and his eyes ceased glowing. He fell to the floor, half-way in flames. Joe knelt beside him, and within the flames and burning flesh he stabbed the stake deep into the vampire's chest and it screeched. He cracked through ribs, and pierced the heart, which immeadietely turned to ashes, along with the rest of the body. And there was a cough of smoke that floated up, and it was in the shape of a skull. And Joe fell backwards unconscious.

Joe opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, then at the smoldering ashes a few feet away from him. "Ugh, I should probably get out of here.." he staggered up and held support against the wall for a moment. Then he slowly walked up the velvet carpeted stairs.

Joe stuttered out of the Manor, the doors were still wide open. And broad daylight filtered from between the amassed clouds. He stumbled into town, clutching his shoulder. And as he walked into town, people glanced at him curiously. For he was now covered in scratches, dust, and bruises. They began to clamber out of their houses, and slowly one by one, they started clapping. And the whole last night came back to him, the Quest, the Manor, the Count. And he couldn't help but smile politely. Morgan stepped above the crowd and ran towards him.Then he put his arm around him. 'Do I have one heck of an award for you, man.."

Well, guess what, ming yang, you can count yourself right about the next quest now!


	5. Ernest the Chicken

Okay, this chapter took alittle thought. When I got to finding the Oil Can, I couldn't remember how you got through the maze, and I sadly have to admit, I was forced to use.. (Dramatic Music) A guide! But in the end it was too hard to just go and do it and it happened as is. And Ming Yang, you're a nice little guesser there. But here goes.

Runescape Chronicles

Ernest the Chicken

Joe picked up his tinderbox and shoved it in his pack. He was just finishing up packing his stuff to leave Draynor. But then there was a knock on Morgan's front door. _Must be one of Morgan's Tavern Buddies, I'll tell him he's not home. _He stood up and answered a door. His eyebrows shot up when a dashing lady in a blue top and poofy white dress at the door. "Can I help you?" she looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"So what's the problem, explain to me _exactly_ what happened." Joe patted her on the back and he sat down across from her. "Well, I we have been staying at Draynor Village for a couple days and Ernest went into the Manor over past the hill." Joe looked shocked and swallowed before continuing. "When did he go in?" "Yesterday." she hiccuped. Joe heaved a sigh of relief, atleast he knew the Count or the Ghosts hadn't got him. Maybe taking her to a local restaurant would calm her down. "So who is this Ernest? Brother, Father?" he was wondering if he was a family member, if he would object to him taking this damsel in distress out after he saved him.

"My fiance'." Joe cringed, and muttered to himself before speaking again. "Well. I'll go get him, it can't take too long." He stood up. "Oh thank you!" she flung his arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed as soon as he turned around and went out the door.

It was late in the afternoon, and the sunshine was still shining through the twisted branches of the trees around Draynor Manor, and the cobwebs running across them glistened in it. And Joe walked along the cracked pathway and came to the door. He kicked them open, they wouldn't open for him anymore. The Manor wasn't haunted any longer. He creaked along the floorboards, and the rats scattered to avoid him.

He could hear something, something that actually sounded like wickets and gears.

He raised an eyebrow, edging up along the stairs. Now he could hear pumps, and machinery. And what, strangely enough, he thought was a chicken clucking.

He drew his schimitar. Slowly turning down the corridor. There was a light up ahead, and sparks were scattering across the floor.

He threw himself around the corner, the light went out. Joe briefly scuttled with someone, and the next moment he had his schimitar infront of a man's neck.

"Where's Ernest?"

The man whined. "Who's Ernest? Please-!" he struggled, and Joe wnet up against the wall.

"Sir, let me go, and I'll explain, I haven't done anything!"

The man actually escaped Joe's grip and scrambled into the darkness. Joe took an unlit torch from his waist, and used his tinderbox to light it. He waved it around and found the man in the far corner.

A single thought came to Joe.

_That's a mad scientist if I've ever seen one.._

The man was clad in a lab coat, and a black and white striped undershirt, plus white plants. And the man was plumb bald.

Joe raised an eyebrow at the snivelling man. Then he heard the sound he thought he had heard earlier, a chicken cluck.

He shined the torch in that direction and it revealed a small cage with a chicken in it. He turned back to the man.

"What is going on here?'

"Yes, yes, will you spare me good sir?" he cringed, throwing his hands infront of him in a defensive position.

Joe sighed. "Yes, who are you?" he backed up and let the man stand up.

"My name is Professor Oddenstein." Joe cracked up inside, but made sure not to show it.

Oddenstein stood up, brushing himself off.

He motioned to the chicken in the cage. "This is my test subject. Who, since you've said as such, is Ernest."

Joe slapped his forhead, slid up against the wall. And groaned.

"Dear Lord, she's marrying a chicken."

Oddenstein stared at him, and before he realized it, the lights of some machine popped on, immeadietely illuminating the corridor.

"Anyway, now, I'm Professor Oddenstein, and I was conducting an experiment, Ernest here, after I agreed to give him directions, agreed himself to be the test subject.

The experiemnt backfired and it ended up turning him into this." Oddenstein motions to the chicken pecking at the iron cage bars.

Joe sighed, slapping his head again.

"Oh Saradomin, what did I do?" he groaned.

Prof. Oddenstein smirked slightly, "Don't worry, good warrior." He patted him on the shoulder. "I simply need a few parts that are scattered around the manor.

"And since the place is no longer, it couldn't be that much of a challenge, now could it?"

Joe looked up at Oddenstein through a gap in his fingers. "Okay then, what?"

The Professor smirked.

Joe walked down the stairs to the basement of the manor. He had his hands behind his head, and froze for a moment.

The basement was like a labyrinth, a maze. Walls of stone every which way, he gasped.

"Oh yes…Very simple, old man!"

Joe grumbled as he pushed open the final door, in the final room.

There, in the very center of the room, was a small oil can. Joe grumbled, _I shouldn't have to do this job.._ Then he turned, and said aloud: "Now, did I entered through the west door, and I came to this room by going through.. What now, the south door?"

Joe peered around the east room of the ground floor of the manor. He Prof. Had told him to look for a spade. He was looking, and he wasn't finding so far.. He flipped open a cupboard, and saw a rusty spade. "Aha!"

He opened the side door of the manor, and peered around. The next thing he said was look outside, and that was it. There was a compost pile outside. Joe shrugged, he'd seen more stranger places where things were hidden.

He stuck it into the pile, and set to work digging it up. The thing was filled with scrap, and to his disgust, bones. Probably some leftovers from Count Spookalot, he continued to shovel it out, at one point removing sour cheese in disgust.

Then he struck something, it had a minute clanging sound. He raised an eyebrow, he'd expected that Oddenstein would've lost the _item _in here. Instead, he removed a grime-covered key. He quickly cleaned it off on the grass and proceeded back into the house.

_Maybe it's the key he lost to the room he lost the item in? _He shrugged, and tried it on the first locked door he found.

Joe trudged to another door, stuck the key in, and found himself turning it, and the knob. And as soon as he'd done so, a skeleton lunged at him. Joe gave it a structured kick to the rib cage, and it felled backwards, some of its bones breaking away.

He looked around, and in the corner, guarded by a cobweb, was a dusty rubber tube. He brushed the web aside and grabbed it. Popping it into his pack, he brushed the dust off his hands, and left the room. Shortly after which, the skeleton's jaw rolled across the floor.

Joe walked out the side door of he manor once again, looking around for a fountain. Oddenstein had told him he would find it out here. "There it is." Joe said under his breathe. He walked over to it, it was exceedingly shiny, he stuck his hand in, searching for the key. But he immeadietely withdrew it.

The shine of the pool was actually a horde of fish schooling through the large fountain. He could easily tell that they were not meat-eating, but there were enough to keep him from finding the item he desired.

He thought for a moment. Maybe there was something in the manor that could help him. He went back inside, rummaging though cupboards and drawers. He tossed useless appliances aside.

He went upstairs, rummaging around further, he discovered a bag of fish food. At first, he thought it useless, but he remembered a flask of poison around. He formed an idea, and went off after it.

Joe approached the fountain, and he poured it into the bag of fish food, he sloshed it around inside, letting it soak into the stuff. He waited until he couldn't see the poison at the bottom, and he poured it into the fountain, the fish surged around it, some of them began to float to the top.

He pushed aside the lifeless fish, scouring the fountain with both his eyes and hands. Then his hands ran over something, it rolled over slowly underwater. He moved away some fish, having to toss some out. He saw the light from above refracting on rippling glass. He gripped it, pulling it out, he dried it on a cloth, he popped it into his pack with a smirk.

"Oil Can, Rubber Tube, and Pressure Gauge. Three down, time for reward.."

Joe turned a corner and walked out where Professor Oddenstein was hopelessly trying to repair his machine, even with the missing components.

He turned quickly, brightening up. Snatching the gadgets from Joe. He began to fasten them, wet them, and open up a panel and attach them. Gears whirred, and the machine burst into life, glowing, clanking, and pumping.

Joe put his hands over his eyes, as there was a flash of light, and a grating sound. And hwne he reopened his eyes, a man was standing there, a blown out cage at his feet. He stared around wildly, and Joe half expected him to bawk out loud.

He brigtened, looking around, as if realizing something.

"Who are you?"

Joe smirked, leaning against the wall, sighing. _Eh, what's could've happened?_ And all at once, there is a ghostly wail in the distance. "You might wanna come with me."

Well, finally another chapter! You people better be proud of yourselves now! I'm expecting some R&R for this dramatic comeback!


	6. The Knight's Sword

Ah, we're back; I will keep updating, for you nonbelievers.

Holds big stick defensively

Runescape Chronicles

The Knight's Sword

Sir Vivyn's squire paced the courtyard urgently; an escort opened the doors to the White Knight's Castle. With him, he escorted a rune-armored knight with black hair into the courtyard.

The flier of him fluttered lightly on a door across the courtyard.

"Joe PK, ah, you have arrived." He breathed a sigh of relief, and scurried over. "As you know, I need your assistance."

"Yes."

"I have carelessly…misplaced Sir Vivyn's celestial sword. And I must replace it before he returns." He fiddled with his finger, absentmindedly straightening his helmet, and started stroking his long, brown beard.

Joe nodded, yet another quest that he was to be assigned. He sighed, "So where do I come in?"

"Sir Vivyn's sword is forged in the artistic style of the Incamdo Dwarves, there are very few left, if any. Only my Sir knows for sure, and I dread to ask him, if I may arouse his suspicion. And, the metal of which it is found is not easy to acquire as it is either, blurite, a very rare, and also beautiful, if I do say so myself, metal.

"It cannot be replaced easily, and is mined deep within the confines of the Ice Giant Dungeon. Not only do I not wish to take absence of the Fortress, I fear I am far to low leveled to face the Ice Giants it holds inside it."

Joe almost brightened at the mention of the dangerous area, atleast the quest was going to be interesting.

"So are you.. willing?"

"By Saradomin I am!"

"You must first travel to Reldo of Varrock Castle, I'm sure, with his vast literary knowledge, will know where to find the Incamdo Dwarves, if any." Joe remembered the Squire's parting words. And he was just now entering a courtyard of a castle, this time of Varrock's.

It was filled with merchants, adventurers, mages, and rangers alike. Varrock had always been something of the trading center of Runescape; its town square had also been flocked with merchants, selling things to adventurers.

And there might just be some passerby selling or trading all on his own. And the bustling crowds were always a problem, especially with clueless adventurers trying to sell off some item they don't need. Joe just deposited them all in his bank account.

He managed to wiggle his way through the crowds, trying to lose a knight trying to sell off his old, bronze short sword.

He shut the wooden doors behind him. And turned around, he was in the foyer, there were portraits and such on the walls, a great staircase ascended infront of him, he walked to its side, and went through the door to the gardens.

A specially walled off area in the center of the castle, filled with a beautiful garden including rare flowers, and one-of-a-kind trees. Joe walked under the great tree in the center of the garden, as its shadows fell over him. He opened the door on the other side of the garden, and went again in the stone corridors of the palace.

He walked over to the library door, which was wide open, candlelight visible. Joe approached it and looked in; a man in a beige suit was bent over his studies, writing in a book with his pen.

Reldo almost seemed to sense Joe's approach, and he looked up, revealing a bushy mustache, and beard. "Hallo, adventurer. I'm only writing in the annals, feel free to look around, knowledge is power." He smiled warmly.

"Actually, sir." Reldo stopped again, as he was about to start on his work again. "I was wondering if you might have any information on the Incamdo Dwarves, or maybe the last of them."

Reldo looked grave. "If you're looking for one, I'm afraid they're wiped out." He seemed to look away; Joe had a disappointed look on his face.

"Nah, I'm kidding, there's still one more left, maybe a few more scattered around this world of ours, but I wouldn't know."

Joe let out a sigh of relief, "So where would he be?" "He's out southwest of Port Sarim, there's a cliff where he lives in a cabin, shouldn't be too hard to find."

"Thanks, sir." "You're welcome to come back and borrow a book anytime you wish." Reldo called after him.

"He likes Redberry Pie!"

Joe walked behind high cliffs, the salty sea washing up on the sandy beach to the west. And the rocky cliffs rising above him to the east.

He went over a hill, and he could see the small cabin, smoke billowing from its chimney, several meters away. When he tried to peek in through the windows, he found them obscured by ash. He went instead and knocked on the door, a flickering, red light shone through the crack in the bottom.

A stout voice chimed from within:

"Who is it?"

"An adventurer looking for some help." The voice inside squealed happily. "Visitors, come in, come in!" and Joe slowly creaked open the door, and a puff of ash flew in his face, and made him double over against the door-frame.

He walked inside, atleast a thin layer of ash coated everything in the room. Frankly, the room could've belonged to an Ogre.

There was a plump figure over the forge, smoke puffing from it, coating the room in even more ash as he worked the bellows, there was an anvil on one side of the room, perhaps this Incamdo Dwarf might let him use it sometime.

He brushed some ash off a wooden chair and sat down, the Dwarf turned around, smiling, he waved at Joe. He hobbled over and Joe noticed rather plump features, his sickly-yellow shirt and brown pants barely fitting over his flabby flesh.

He very well could've been an Ogre.

"So, w'at can Thurgo do fer you?"

Joe coughed as some ash floated around his face. "I need you to make a special sword out of Blurite for Sir Vivyn." Thurgo but his hand to his chin, the fat on his arm jiggling uncomfortably.

"I made one of dose fer the White Knights before, I can't really 'member it though, do ya have a picture, maybe a picture of the Sir wit' it?"

Joe looked at him for a second, then put down his hands and sighed.

"Just give me a couple hours or so.."

"Oi, and I need a couple of 'dem 'dere iron bars!"

Thurgo yelled after him as Joe ran through the sand infront of Thurgo's dwelling.

Joe hurried over the bridge leading into the White Knight's Castle, and looked around the courtyard. Then leaned against a pillar, panting hard. He'd practically ran back to the Castle, and was tired out.

After he had fully rested for a few minutes, he proceeded over to the hall on the western side of the Castle, hoping Sir Vivyn's Squire was still inside, he was lucky, he was there, talking to Sir Vivyn, no doubt stalling him. Sir Vivyn turned, waved at Joe, but walked into the courtyard.

The Squire saw him and hurried over.

"You've returned, do you have-."

He looked up and down Joe's person and saw no Blurite sword.

"Where is the sword?"

Joe sighed. "Do you have a picture of the sword, maybe a diagram, schematics, or a portrait of Vivyn with it?" the Squire made his mouth into a thin line.

"There is a portrait tucked away in Sir Vivyn's bedroom cupboard-." Joe slapped his head. "Ofcourse, _Sir Vivyn's_ room, why can't it ebver be in the easy-to-get-to room?" he grumbled to himself. Then turned around for the stairs as the Squire added behind him:

"Hurry, the Sir could return at any time!"

Joe hurried up two flights of stairs up to the third floor corridor, he grumbled again, and hurried down the hallway to a room with a gold plaque labeled "Vivyn" on it, and kicked open the door. Then he bustled forward, and began opening cupbaords and drawers, trying not to disturb anything that Vivyn might find amiss.

And he finally flung open a cupboard where a rather well-painted portrait was leaning against the side. He took it out, and stared at, chuckling.

"A picture of a posing paladin, he won't miss it."

He quietly shut the cupboard, shut the door slowly behind him with only a small creak. Then as he walked down the corridor, walked past Sir Vivyn, he followed him with his eyes suspiciously until he was out of sight.

Joe hurried past the Squire and other Knights in the courtyard and left the Castle, half-running, half-walking the way back to Thurgo's.

As he approached the door, he panted and opened it. Thurgo turned around, and he held out the portrait, that was uncomfortably covered in ash already. Joe went forward as he handed the portrait to Thurgo, and he brushed off the same chair and sat down.

"The iron bars?"

Joe reached his hand around back and dug in his back, then dropped two iron bars heavily on the table, he'd withdrawn them from his bank in Falador on the way here, he groaned as more ash went down his throat.

"Umm, an' Thurgo needs some blurite ore."

Joe groaned again.

"So where do I get it?"

"'Dere's a cave on da' hill behind my house, an' you might wanna armor."

Joe groaned a third time, dumped out his rune armor on the table from his pack, and began to slip it over his clothes.

Joe hurried over the hill, grass growing again away from the sand near the cliff.

There was a hole with rough rocks strewn about around it. He swallowed, and climbed downwards on the rock, when he was a few feet away, he jumped down , sending a small cloud of dust up. He looked around, there were rocky walls everywhere, he sighed. Joe walked forward, reaching to pull down with a visor, but somebody grabbed him and pointed a dagger to his neck.

"Hey, bub, how much gold you have in yer' little back pack?"

The mugger hiding in the shadows laughed raspily, but Joe leaned forward and flipped him over his head into the wall. But he didn't realize that he wasn't the only one in the small cavern. He dodged a swipe of a dagger.

Pirates and Hobgoblins were with him, yelling "Argh!", and drool rolling down their scarlet chins as they hissed at him. The place was a hangout for thugs and lowly creatures. He jumped up, kicking a hobgoblin and mugger against the wall. He drew his schimitar, and let the dim light from above reflect in a Pirate's face. And as soon as he covered his eyes, he slashed across his chest and the Pirate fell with an "Argh!"

He swung around, and clashed with another pirate, and a Hobgoblin with a Bronze Battleaxe, and the blade of the axe quickly flopped off and made a line down the Goblin's chest, he hissed and fell. Then he returned his attention to the Pirate, who's bronze schimitar came uncomfortably close to his face, he stepped backwards then and parried. Joe finally managed to disarm the sea scoundrel, gashed his side, and made a well-rounded kick to his head.

But another mugger and hobgoblin were creeping up behind him, and he barely managed to block their blow. The clang went painfully up his arm.

Then both fell to the ground with a yell.

He turned and yelled in surprise, with dirty blonde hair in steel plate mail, was Scotty Kill, another person with a rather intriguing title from his reputation in the Wilderness. He held up a rune longsword, the Mugger's blood mixed with the Hobgoblins.

They went back to back, and slashed, parried, and dodged the oncoming horde of villains.

Scotty and Joe swung out in unison, slicing to Hobgoblins heads off respectively and tossing them against the wall. The room was a mess of blood, bodies, and fallen loot. Scotty bent down into a pile of bloodied gold, separated it out, and tossed half to Joe.

"What are you doing?"

"Looting, what do you think I'm doing?" Joe shrugged, and reached down, picking up some uncut gems, he put them in his pack, and slipped a Pirates' eye-patch over one eye.

"Argh!"

Scotty chuckled, finished counting out the gold coins he'd collected, and put them in his own backpack along with some assorted runes a Hobgoblin had in a bag at his belt. "So, why are you down here in the Ice Giant Caves?"

Joe wiped some Goblin blood off his shoulder plate and answered, "I'm looking for some stuff called Blurite ore." "You mean the crystal stuff in the Ice area? I wouldn't tread over there, crawling with Ice Giants and Knights, I was just getting some practice on these thugs. Since the Ice things don't come out of their own little place."

Joe gulped.

"Ice Giants, yay.."

The ice part of the cave was pretty much what it was called, the floor was frosted over with ice, and it hung off the ceiling like stalactites. And ofcourse, doomed to walk it forever, were bumbling Ice Giants and Knights.

"Ready, go!"

The two split up, and Scotty dropped the wooden logs in the floor, he whipped out a tinderbox taken off a Pirate, and lit it. Just as the creatures turned to Joe they sensed the heat and growled. One giant roared across the chamber, his heavy steps literally cracking the layer of ice over the floor.

Joe slipped across the chamber, pulling out a black pickaxe, and hurriedly began chipping at what was presumably blurite at the north side of the chamber. It rung his pickaxe that sent jolts through his arms, he shuddered, took a deep breathe, and continued to chip away at it.

Scotty parried with an Ice Knight, and eventually the cold in the chamber was his downfall, the frost covering his sword allowed it to shatter easily. Its pieces scattered across the floor and into the fire, the Knight grunted angrily.

But Scotty stabbed him, and his armor simply shattered through and he crumpled and fell. The mad Ice Giant then charged for him, icicles hanging from his beard, frost flecking his already blue skin. It swung a mythril mace that crashed into the fire, and flame licked the Ice Giants arm, travelling up it and catching his beard ablaze.

Scotty drew some of the Runes he'd looted from the Goblin, two Air, one Chaos, he tossed them on the ground, they shattered and he focused.

"_Wind Bolt_!"

A burst of wind but out the fire on the giant but also knocked him unconscious against the wall, but two Ice Knights were behind them, their frost-covered swords swiped threateningly.

"Scotty, let's bail!"

Scotty turned as he shattered an Ice Knight's helmet. Joe, across the room, held up a chunk of rock with gleaming, blue minerals in it.

"Definetely blue."

He smirked, kicked the fire apart, the Knights and Giants scattered as he and Joe escaped from the Cave.

Scotty and Joe collapsed on the ground, the ore rolling in the grass, and Ice Giants roar of rage echoeing from the hole into the Ice Giants' Cave.

"Okay, better hurry this to Thurgo." Joe got up, Scotty laughed halfheartedly and followed him. He had been scratched by a Mugger's dagger before he'd found Joe, and winced at the pain in his leg, though he never mentioned it to Joe.

They entered Thurgo's cabin, he turned around, strangely enough, the room almost seemed cleaner, the door had been left open and the ash floating to the outside world.

"Here's the ore."

He collapsed in the strangely clean chair, as Scotty did so on the floor, and Thurgo caught the dropping ore, and moved over to the forge. Picking up the tongs and taking the ore in them, he put it over the fire, and pumped the bellows once before turning to Joe.

"Yer friend is hurt."

He nodded toward the now ash-covered gash on Scotty's leg that he was already inspecting, having stripped off his leg-mail. Joe kneltt down, and went into his pack for bandages and some light beer.

As Joe swung about near the edge of the cliff with his sword, sparring with an imaginary pirate, Thurgo smithed the Ceremonial Blurite Sword for Sir Vivyn, which they only had a few more hours to deliver. Scott watched, sitting against the side of Thurgo's house, drinking some beer to ease the pain in his leg.

"Da' sword is done!"

They heard Thurgo's stout voice pierce their thoughts, Scott got up and hobbled in as Joe sheathed his schimmy and followed.

Thurgo held up possibly the sweetest looking sword Joe had ever seen in his entire life, from Shilo Village to Falador.

"My Saradomin, that is one awesome sword."

Scotty muttered in awe behind him. The blade itself was almost translucent, light reflecting brightly off the grey-blue surface, and the hilt and guard were both an opaque dull blue. The almost dull hilt made the blade shine even brighter. And the strangest thing was the fact not a fleck of ash seemed to touch the blade. It simply floated around in the air and around Joe's ears, only reflecting in the sheen of the blade.

It was dusk, and Sir Vivyn's Squire looked around frantically at the White Knights' Castle bridge, the ceremonies were beginning, other squires were dropping confetti onto the courtyard. Sir Vivyn would be looking for his Squire as he worried.

Then he saw a cloud of dust on the horizon.

"HUZZAH!"

The cry should've been faint, but echoed as if it was next to him, and two figures came into view. Both were in rune armor, shining in the fading sun'' light.

The Squire beamed as they skid to a halt infront of him across the boards, almost pulling off one plank. They smiled at him, and Joe held out the glimmering sword in his hands.

"Courtesy of Joe PK Questing Services, with alittle help from Scotty Kill."

The three exchanged a delighted grin of glee. Sir Vivyn's Squire nodded thankfully and gave them a bag of gp to split amongst themselves for the trouble, and turned just as Joe could see Sir Vivyn walking across the courtyard toward him, confetti fluttering everywhere.

"Definetely blue."

He and Scotty repeated together, laughing for no apparent reason.

Okay, that's six pages long on word, longest chapter I've ever written, so it BETTER be worth it. And I think it more than makes up for the fact that I haven't updated in quite a few months..

Live long and prosper! V/

You'll get it..


	7. Doric's Quest

Well, been a long time, seems it always will be, but eh. Atleast there's one at all, huh? This one'll probably be short, since it's a short quest. But who knows, I think I've said that before..  
And I also discovered the magical properties of Shift + Enter on Fanfiction..

**Runescape Chronicles  
Doric's Quest**

Joe Player-Killer smashed his black pickaxe into the rock, and splinters and dust flew past his face, all around him were the clangs and groans of fellow adventurers hammering away. Dwarves rode wooden carts filled with gold, clay, and a hundred other types of ore and rock.  
He was down in the Dwarven Mine, mining out some ore for the adventures ahead, now that he was a full-up quest-doer and all.

He took another click at the rock and a piece of clay ore rolled off the rock and at his feet, he reached down, picked it up, and dropped it in his pack with a dozen more pieces of mineral-filled chunks.  
Joe wiped some sweat off his forehead, turned the pickaxe inn his hand, and took a mighty whack at a nearby mythril rock, and with a crack like a Rock Golem rising from the walls and a shiny, black piece skidded across the dirty floor, and a dwarf picked it up and popped it in his cart, and resumed pushing.

Joe's mouth gaped.

A heavily brown-bearded miner laughed loudly, so that it echoed in the surrounding cavern.  
"Bit of tough luck, bub, I'll take over, then."  
He grinned, but Joe felt like cracking him over the head with the remaining half of his pickaxe. And he turned around as the man began plunking into the rock with his adamantite pickaxe.

----------------------------

Joe stormed out of the Dwarven Mine in a bad mood, and when a beggar wearing a bronze helm came up, asking for gold, he spun one straight into the gap of his helmet.  
He looked around and tried to find the way back to Falador, and set off into the direction he thought would be right, to the west.

After about ten minutes, it must've been, he saw a hut over a hill that had smoke billowing from a stone chimney. There was a forge outside with red-hot pliers smoking in the grass, he could see ash and smoke drifting on the wind.

A blacksmith if he ever saw one.

This was good fortune, since it seemed quite unlikely there would ever be a smith out here, he was probably just here for travelers or something like that. Joe strode up to the front door and rapped on it a couple times.

No response.

He knocked four more times, and he thought he heard mumbling inside, and was about to knock again when the door flew open suddenly and his fist flew numbly through the air. "Oh, hullo."  
He was a dwarven smith, and he was wearing a soot-covered apron over a red wooly shirt and man-skirt, and had a horned helm with a dent in it on his head. His mouth was almost hidden by his hazel-colored beard, and he had round, steady eyes that looked Joe straight up in down.

"What ya' be doin' all the way out here?"

Joe cleared his throat. "Sorry, I just was on my way to the mine down East," he pointed across that way, though the Mine's entrance had been swallowed by the cover of hills.  
"And, I'm hoping I'm right, just going from the forge and smoke, do you have an anvil?"  
The dwarf almost smiled, and Joe found himself remembering Thurgo the Incamdo Dwarf.  
"So, you vant to use my anvils?" Looks like he'd been right, though he had already seen them through a broken shaft in the shutters.  
The dwarf stroked his beard thoughtfully, and moved aside and motioned for him to follow. "Come in."

It wasn't as ashy as the Incamdo Dwarf's, that was for sure. But there was a cloud of it fluttering around the room, and Joe couldn't help coughing a little.  
The dwarf smith motioned for him to sit down on an oaken chair, and he even brushed off a filmy layer of ash of for him. Joe brushed it off a little better, and sat down as the smith blew up the fire, spewing sparks out of the windows at the back of the cottage.

"So ye vant to use my anvils, eh? Well, my name's Doric, I travel to Falador in the Vest to sell my vares, and everyting comes at a price. Even any poor soul who vants the use my anvils must run an errand or two for me." He seemed to wink at Joe, but it almost must have been the firelight.  
Joe almost sighed. _Quest-doer, that's me.._ "I suppose I have a little quest fer you, suppose vat its not really a vuest, I just need you to go out and mine for a poor, old dwarf with his aching joints." Doric swung his hammer around and put its top on the floor, leaning on the handle.

"Problem is, I don't have a pickaxe. That's why I came here, 'cause I broke my older one and was on my way to Falador or beyond. And I thought you were my lucky one." But Doric only smiled, and picked out a bronze pickaxe from a shelf somewhere.  
"This is yours then, ya?" Joe took it slowly, he had honestly been hoping to slide away from this one. All he had to do was reroute his course back to Falador.

"Fine.."

-------------------------

Joe once again descended into the Dwarven Mine from the northern entrance, and he saw a troop of the Black Guard examine him mentally before passing on their patrol, shortly after he heard a commotion not far away.  
Joe went down to the north to see a member of the Black Guard and a couple of miners battling the enormous King Scorpion, which, at that point, struck forward its tail, which went straight through one of the explorers.A ranger, if he had his classes right. Most of the miners and worker dwarves were clearing out of that area, along with the felled ranger, there were two other of the Black Guard, one against the wall, sweating poison, the other tending to him.

The last was fighting the Scorpion.

Joe, against his wishes, turned down the South tunnel, leaving the sounds behind him. He found a double whammy of what he was looking for, a cluster of iron and copper rocks, the minerals sticking directly out of them.  
He nodded to himself and began to chip away on the iron rocks, and with his own strength and ability, he managed to get out two good chunks of iron ore. He stuffed them in his pack and went away getting the four copper ore, which he got quickly.

He proceeded to look around for the last type of rock he needed, clay ore, he had already gotten a piece from earlier, conveniently enough, so he just needed five, which was what Doric demanded.  
He, oddly enough, ended up at the same place he was earlier, and it had clearly been used since he was gone. The rock he had formerly bee working on was a few bits of rock and clay. Though there were other, worn rocks, and a vein if he needed it.As he began striking up at the first clay rock, another miner came to work beside him, at the mythril rocks nearby.

"Yo-."

Joe blinked, it was the bearded man from earlier, in the exact same spot, except he was now wearing full mythril. Joe repressed a grunt of irritation. " A wee li'l bronze pickaxe, eh? Awfully wimpy, you must admit."  
Joe simply shrugged, though that feeling of wanting to rip open his head with his pickaxe was returning. "Afraid all I have." _I'll have one bigger than your head in an hour.._  
Joe brought down his pickaxe again, and there was a loud crack, and he thought with dread that Doric would kill him, but his pickaxe was all together, and there was even a fifth chunk of clay ore at his feet.

The crack came again, and he remembered with ironic clarity his comparison of the Rock Golem with his pickaxe earlier.

A rocky hand shot out of the wall, sending dust and rock scattering over Joe and the man, they stumbled backwards as it stumbled out of the wall, and got its beqaring. The its head turned with a slow, grating sound and dark red eyes stared at them angrily.

"Rock with attitude, great."

And it swung at Joe even as he said so, and he swung out pickaxe, breaking into the Golem and sending part of its torso to the ground. This revealed uncut diamond poking out of its body, and Joe became just a bit more determined.  
Joe and the man backed up next to eachother. "But aside differences?" "Name's Joe." "Ozzy." And they fanned out different directions to surround the Golem.

Joe took another swing at the golem, knocking a chunk from its arm. It dug its had into the ground, and pulled a boulder from the earth, and Joe ran, and it tossed it, barely missing Joe, it collided with a rock and copper flew everywhere.  
He heard Ozzy mumbling to himself as he ruffled in his own pack for something, and he saw him toss three Air Runes into a growing pile, already with some Fire Runes in it. He turned to Joe, "Got any Chaos Runes?"The Golem growled and he dodged a blow. Joe nodded, and dropped his pack, and hurriedly went into his pack for it, and tossed his only one at him, Ozzy caught it and added it to the top of the pile, just as the Golem swung at Joe again and he lopped off its hand, which rolled over cart tracks.

"_Fire Bolt_!"

The assorted Runes cracked and melted, and a ball of fire formed between Ozzy's hands he let it go as a flaming missile, and it slammed into the core of the Golem's torso, and he exploded into rock, emerald, diamond, and adamantite ore.  
Joe let out a breath, put his pack back on, and stumbled over to pick up his last piece of clay ore.

Ozzy smiled a little and kicked out the rune dust.

Joe nodded politely to him and walked back toward the ladder where he had seen the King Scorpion.

-----------------------

Joe rapped on the door of Doric's cottage, and the dwarf smith came quicker this time. "The ore?" Joe poured out the ore from his seemingly bottomless pack, and Doric grinned.  
"Thanks, ya. I suppose I have to vet you use my avils now, ya?" Joe grinned and nodded, and Doric shrugged and Joe couldn't help but make a little whoop.

And, several minutes, he held up a newly-made adamantite bar , took Doric's hammer, and began the process of pounding it into the shape of a pickaxe…

-----------------------

Yep, I'd suppose that is definitely longer than I guessed it would be, but that's a good thing. And yes, I added the Golem just cause, without something to fight, this would've been absolutely boring.


	8. Goblin Diplomacy

Well, here comes another one, folks!

**Runescape Chronicles**

**Goblin Diplomacy**

Joe swung open the doors of a Port Sarim bar and looked around at the thieves and pirates glancing at him suspiciously. He was too clean, too cut, was probably the transferred thought of the evening.

He walked forward, taking a swallow, and sat down at a stool, facing the bartender. "A beer, my good man." The bartender raised his eyebrows even as Joe slid some gold across the counter.

The bartender walked over to the tap and filled it up, a rat scurried across the floor, and somewhere ,a table of pirates' chairs screeched. Joe took the beer from him and the bartender shuffled to put away his gold before the trouble started.

As Joe took his first sip of beer, a hooked hand swiped it out of his hand and it shattered on the floor, froth and beer rolled out over the wooden boards.

Joe let out a small little growl, and the pirates mumbled expectantly amongst themselves.

"Ah well, I'll buy another one."

He turned around, and the first pirate, with a long, braided black beard stepped forward with a bronze schimitar, and Joe kicked out his foot and hit the pirate in a sensitive place, he let out a pained squeak.

Joe spun around and slashed at his chest with a mythril schimmy, and with a swift cut to the side, disarmed the pirate. The he jumped and kicked him straight in the chest and he flew backwards, knocking down the doors of the bar.

The pirates slowly looked from their captain to Joe, and let out a simultaneous cry of "_ARGH_!" in a jolly tone.

And an hour later, Joe was busy chatting with a drunken pirate from another village native to Joe's island, Brimhaven. Babbling about something or other called the Rantuki and totems.

Then the bartender exclaimed and reached under the counter and produced a blue poster with a picture of Joe drawn by Bob the Axe-Salesman that said in blocky, yellow letters:

"**Joe PK, Your Friendly Neighborhood Quest-Doer!**"

"I recognize you now! You're the chap on the poster that was brought in here b some guy last week." Joe was about to ask _What guy?_ But the Bartender continued:

"You know, I hear that the Goblins in the village north of Falador are arguing about the color of their armor." He winked at Joe, and he felt somewhat irritated. He should've guessed this would happen, all quests start in bars..

The Jolly Boar Inn, Draynor Tavern, just a couple..

-------------------

Well, the world _did_ need protection from rioting Goblins, and especially after seeing the state of the Goblin Village, Joe felt that this would need doing one way or another.

The building were often run-down, scorched, or just collapsed. Guthix knows what happened to _every single_ window in the village, and goblin corpses just lay strewn about the streets.

Some were burnt to a crisp, some fresh with spears still sticking out of them, others had been there for weeks, the spears at some point removed. Joe felt like he was going to heave.

Minutes after he entered the village, he heard commotion, Goblin's grunts and screeches, and the pop of bows and swishes of spears and clattering of armor. Joe ran forward and found the battle in the center of the village, a spear went straight through a goblin infront of him.

A goblin, who was quite clearly insane, charged at him with a bronze axe. Joe disarmed him and threw him through a blackened doorway. Then, he hid behind some rubble and dug in his pack.

He had just enough Air Runes, and he pulled out a Death Rune and stared at it oddly for a minute, then he set it down in the pile of three Air Runes. Then he cleared his throat, stood up, facing the battlefield, and yelled:

"_Wind Blast!_"

And as the runes crumbled, he threw his hands forward and a ball of violent air fanned out and tossed every Goblin aside, through open windows, doors, and into rubble. Ash and dust flew through the air.

Joe stepped to the side, and pulled his hands in, and the blast let out a last violent gust and ceased. Joe wasted no time before the Goblins returned to war.

"Where are your leaders?!"

-------------------

The goblins in the majority stared at him with contempt, curiousity, and fear. He was attacked once more with a Javelin, and threw it back into the same Goblin. Nobody bothered him again as his guides led him to their Generals.

Two hours left, they sat in a hut missing part of its roof as they explained what was happening.

The first was General Bentnoze, a bulky and crude Goblin with a heavy hammer who wanted the armor red.

General Wartface, a smaller, yet more vicious Goblin, said that Goblins should wear Green, their natural skin color. But Bentnoze said they wouldn't even be able to see their armor, and would appear foolish.

But Wartface thought red would make them look bloody, and consequently, weak. And Bentnoze argued that'd give them more things to fight.

And Wartface said, blah, blah, blah…

In the end, they both chased him out on axe, spear, and hammer, until he could come back with something useful to say. Needless to say, they were "polite."

But, as he dragged himself back towards Falador, an idea began to form, as he remembered past experiences and things on the way.

-------------------

First, as Joe marked off on his checklist, he set off for Lumbridge, and reached it in little more than a day's time. And after a brief visit with both Bob and the Cook, he set off into the nearby forests to hunt Goblins.

He pulled out his trusty mythril scimitar and went out slicing into Goblins, tossing them into the river and cutting them down. He passed by the Goblin Pub deep in the middle of the woods and joined a small band of adventurers fighting off a horde of Goblins.

Afraid he would go home empty handed, he was lucky, in the horde were two goblins with Goblin Mail, the first thing on his list.

After cutting down a tree for firewood, the next morning he got some off a javelin-wielding Goblin.

He spent another idled day in Bob's shop, and ran into Woofy, he accompanied him as far as Barbarian's Village, where they departed at a Tavern.

-------------------

As the next day went over, Joe reentered Falador and proceeded to go down to the park, there he sat and napped until the gardeners came out just past noon, And not long after he got up he found the one he was looking for, the Head Gardener, Wyson, right in the park.

"Wyson!"

Having spent some time in Falador, Joe had heard of, and even seen a couple times, Wyson the Gardener. He was the Head Gardener, so, even being a Gardener, he garnered _some_ respect.

And Joe had also heard through rumors at the local inn, that at the beginning of each week, he stole a few woad leaves for his wife's job.

Joe just had to trust that this was true.

The Gardener glanced up, and straightened his straw hat. Joe yelled his name again, and he turned around. Expecting a gardener, he saw a warrior in full black armor. He tugged his goatee in annoyance. What was more, this adventurer had the nerve to give him that sly look.

"Got any Woad Leaves?"

Wyson stiffened, and looked around.

"Foolish rumors, I knew they'd be the death of me." He inched closer to Joe, his hoe at his side. "Okay, I don't smoke them or anything. My wife is a dyer, she uses them, and its just a bit cheap, you know." He looks around. "I'm the Head Gardener, I don't get much respect anyways."

"I'm not going to tell on you." Wyson wiped his brow, and nodded. "Then why you mention the, uh, Woad Leaves?" It was Joe's turn to look around, even if it was mock anxiety.

"I need em."

Wyson blinked, and suddenly became his prudent old self again. "Well, you can have em for twenty gold, that's a bargain compared to the market." And even though he sounded confident, he said it in a harsh whisper and glanced at the Gardebner taking a break on a bench nearby.

Joe merely shrugged, and dug into his pocket, and came out with 20 gold pieces, which he insconspicuously slipped into Wyson's hand. Who in turn reached into the pocket of his baggy, blue shirt and came out with two Woad Leaves.

Joe bowed and left an estranged Gardener behind.

-------------------

Joe now returned to Port Sarim, walking straight to the southern side of the docks, he found Wydin's Food Store with a grin. "About time." It wasn't a long way from Falador, he just simply wanted to hurry up and get this Goblin business over with.

He pushed open the door to his shop and walked into a smell of fresh, preserved vegetables and fruit.

"Mmm."

He had visited Wydin's once on a supply trip from Karamja, it was a surprise he'd actually been here that long. He looked across the counter; Flour, cabbage, bananas, bread, tomatoes, potatoes, chocolate, and last but not least, _his_ ingredient: Redberries.

The meats were no doubt in the back, but the berries were what he currently needed, so he walked up to the counter and hit the bell.

Wydin was there in almost an instant. Smiling from ear to ear, with a mess of dirty blonde hair.

"How can I help you, sir? Produce in the front, meat and refrigerables in the back." Joe stared at him for a moment "Refrigerables isn't a word." Wydin stared at him. "How do you know?" "I do, trust me."

Wydin lost his perky mood after that. "Eh, what'll it be, wise guy?" It was Joe's turn to grin, for mostly no reason. "Three redberries, my good man." The shopkeep sniffed loudly, and walked over to the end of counter and plucked three of them from a vine.

"Straight from the forests of Varrock!"

The man sure couldn't stay unhappy for long.

"Nine gold, 'my good man.'" Way too perky. Joe pulled out nine more gold coins from his pocket and spun them across the counter, and Wydin scooped them up.

"Have a nice day."

------------------------

Joe hopped the fence of a field just south of Falador, and walked across the soil past rows and rows of Cabbages, and rows, and rows, and rows.. It was a pretty big field, after all. But eventually, he found his way over to the south side.

There were now rows, and rows, and rows of onions. Which is the final ingredient for his plan to work that he needed. He looked around, and hurriedly picked up the two ripest Onions he could find. They would probably do.

He sniffed them and wrinkled his nose, then stuffed them into his pack with three brown Goblin Mails, two Woad Leaves, three Redberries, and two fresh Onions.

Now there was perhaps the hardest part there was..

Convincing a witch.

-------------------------

Joe knocked on the old, oaken door tenderly, half afraid it would fall in. The witch's house looked out of place in the high-maintenance Draynor Village. But there was soon enough a creak as it swung open and the witch looked at him with a look of bemusement.

"Aggie?"

"Yo?" She motioned to herself, and Joe sighed. "You're the Player-Killer guy, aren't ye?" She inspected him, went back into the house, and returned with one of his posters. _Bob must really be passing those around.._

"Well, you got me, then." He grinned sheepishly. "Whatcha here for?" Joe quickly rummaged in his pack for the Onions, Redberries, and Woad Leaves.

Aggie raised an eyebrow.

"For dyes?" He nodded, and she stared. "Yeah." He breathed. She nodded, swiped them away, then stopped. That'll be fifteen gold, though, hun." She reached out a thin hand and rubbed her fingers together."And that's cuz you saved the town."

Joe once more dug into his pockets and pulled out fifteen gold and dropped it in her outstretched hand. She let him in and whooshed the door closed with a snap of her fingers. Then she kicked a chair forward at him, and it hit him in the back of the knees and he dropped onto it.

"Ow.."

He waited for almost two hours, and as she took a ladle filled with Onion-made yellow dye in it out of her cauldron, she yelled and said they were all ready. She gave him three corked bottles filled with yellow, blue, and red.

He waved her off, and a short ways off he corked open the red dye, and poured it into the yellow dye, and shook it _all _the way back to Goblin Village..

-----------------------

As Joe entered the Village for the second time, he was greeted with, in comparison, much warmer salutations:

Armed Goblins poking and prodding him until he was in the hut where Bentnoze and Wartface had joined once again to deal with him.

"Wot ya' doin' 'ere again?" Bentnoze said angrily. "Prob'ly the blow away more a' my men!" Wartface went up in his face, and Joe started to speak, but they started swearing in Goblin.

So he simply hit them both with one of his Goblin Mails.

"Shut up!"

"Ergh?" Wartface grumbled stupidly. Joe cleared his throat and supplied the blue dye from his pack, then he poured it on the Goblin Mail and let it soak in. Then he shook out a few flecks and set it on the table.

Wartface was the first to inspect it, and Bentnoze sniffed in its direction. But then Joe took out a second pair of Goblin Mail, and simply set it between the two of them. And with the third, he pulled out an orange dye and shook it a little more.

"Okay.."

He poured it over the third pair, and it slid over the top, dripping off the bottom onto the table, until it roughly soaked in. He shook it again, and tossed it at Bentnoze, who caught it briskly.

He looked at them both, crossed his arms, and smiled.

"Problem solved."

------------------------

The Goblins inspected their new armor, and began making crude dyes of their own, separating the Village into groups, none superior to the other. They worked together as spearmen, warriors, and goblins.

And it was all, believe it or not, thanks to Joe Player-Killer, and they rewarded him with a bar of solid gold.

(Though, since it was their only one, they'd kind of want it back later..)

----------------------

And that's the end of that tune!


	9. Shield of Arrav

Well, another depressingl long break between chapters, eh? Yeah, those suck. What? I had one, no kidding!? I must suck! And that just about sums it up. But, I guess its time to come out with one of the more exciting free quests in Runescape:

**Runescape Chronicles**

**The Shield of Arrav**

The silence of the Varrock Palace Library was interrupted by three hard knocks on the library doors. Reldo, the librarian, let out an irritated sigh and straightened his glasses. He pulled the large doors open with a loud creak. "I'm sorry, the palace library is doing inventory to - Joe! " A man with black hair stood in the doorway with a stupid grin on his face. "How ya' dong, Reldo?" Since Reldo had helped Joe find Thurgo the Incamdo Dwarf, they had become something of friends, helping him find information on his current quests and passing around the rumors of new ones.

"I probably shouldn't do this, but.." Reldo leaned out in the corridor and looked around. "Come in, come in." Joe followed him inside the library and he slide the door shut. "So, what do you need?" Joe pulled out a chair from a desk and sat down. "Know anything about a guy named Robert the Strong?" Reldo raised an eyebrow, and appeared to be in thought for a moment, then told Joe all he wanted to know.

"And actually, Joe, before you leave.." Joe turned back from the door, but Reldo had already vanished into the shelves of books, and returned with a brown book which he handed to Joe. The title was _The Shield of Arrav by A.R. Wright,_ and Joe raised an eyebrow. "Rumors going around town about the gangs in Varrock having some sort of ancient shield halves, sounds interesting." Joe shrugged with an educated "Huh." And set off.

----------

Joe entered back into Varrock, digging in his pack, he found the book Reldo had given him the previous day, he'd completely forgotten he had it. He sat down on the side of the fountain in Varrock Square and flipped it open, the pages were new, and it was about the two major gangs in Varrock, the Black Arm and Phoenix, and how the Shield of Arrav had been stolen and broken, and the two halves had ended up in possession of the respective gangs. The more Joe read, the more he was interested, perhaps he should pay Reldo another visit.

Reldo looked up a few minutes later as Joe entered through the now open library doors. "Ah, Joe, back already?" Joe smiled back at him. "Hey, do you remember that Shield of Arrav book you handed me yesterday?" Reldo blinked for a moment, and nodded in understanding. "Oh, yeah, I actually did some poking around about that, I knew you'd come back for it eventually." Joe nodded back. "So, how exactly do I go and start it?" Reldo laughed. "Lucky you I actually did some digging. There's a fur seller in Varrock Square who seems like he might know a thing or two about the gangs."

----------

Joe dove into the now-bustling crowd of merchants and people trying to sell all of their useless items. He looked around relentless over the heads of hopeless merchants, and finally find a man who claimed to be Baraek. "Yes, I am Baraek, the fur seller, who's asking?" He snorted, stroaking his brown goatee, even though his head was completely bald.

"Joe Player Killer, I hear you know about the gangs in this town." Baraek raised an eyebrow, though whether he recognized the name or if it was because he mentioned the gangs, he didn't care. "Shh, shh, my friend, they have eyes and ears in the streets. The Phoenix are swift and deadly, and the Black Arm have very _unpleasant_ ways of helping anyone whose company they wouldn't want to, say, disappear."

Though Joe was undaunted by the fur seller, it still sent something of a chill down his spine. "Now, what you want to know?" Baraek said in a hushed voice, eyeing the square suspiciously. "I want to know where, and I want to know how." Baraek laughed. "To get in?" Joe nodded slowly. "Well, I see yous got a death wish."

Joe narrowed his eyes, leaning over the assorted furs spread on the merchant's cart. "Just tell me how." Baraek rolled his eyes." You'll have teh give me twenty gold first, son." Joe groaned, digging into his gold pouch and dropping them with a clatter on the stall.

"The Phoenix Gang, they hides out in the southeast slums of the city, where all the muggers hangs out. And the Black Arms are on the other side of the city, but they're equipped, too. Got a whole warehouse, and even thoughs their leader's a girl, she ain't nobody to be messed with." Joe leaned back out from under the cart.

"Nice doing business with you!" Joe yelled behind him, and added under his breath. "You cheap scum.."

----------

Joe had drawn his mythril schimitar as he headed into the alley behind the Sword Shop, and found a ragged tramp wondering around in the trash. "Hey, you there!" The tramp turned, revealing long, unkempt, gray hair with a beard to match, and his clothes were old, dirty, and filled with rips and holes. "You need Charlie?" He hobbled over. "Got any spare change?" Joe raised an eyebrow. "Do you know what this building is?" He motioned to the building behind Charlie, with two armed doormen.

"That the Black Arm place, that place bad, Charlie dun go there." Joe nodded slowly. "So the Black Arm Gang is there?" The tramp nodded furiously. "So, gots any change?" Joe groaned, dropping a gold piece in his palm. Charlie freaked out and hopped around in joy, until the Black Arm Gang doormen ran over and told him to shut up as Joe slinked out of sight.

----------

Joe began to realize, since there were two different gangs, he would have to bring in some help on this one, no matter how much he didn't like it. There were two gangs, and two people would need to be inside both gangs for this to work. So, Joe sent a message to the most qualified person he could think of:

Scotty Kill, Wilderness Legend

Though both he and Scotty had had quite a reputation for being ruthless in the Wilderness, since their last encounter in the Ice Giant Caves, Scotty had been busy living up to his nickname Kill. And it took almost a week for him to even read the message and come down to Varrock.

But now Joe had met up with Scotty at the north entrance to Varrock, and they were now walking, side-by-side, towards the southern gate of Varrock. "Okay, man, you read the letter, you ready?" Scotty laughed. "They don't call me Scotty Kill for nothing." Joe twitched. _He's really going overboard with that title.. _But, with one last parting nod, they both set off in different directions. Joe to the alleys, Scott to the west, to the Black Arm Warehouse.

Joe, during the days he spent waiting for Joe after his encounter with Charlie the Tramp, had followed several members, resulting in several near-deaths and close calls until he finally found the entrance to the Phoenix Gang Headquarters, hidden under a trap door in a house on the south wall of Varrock. With some careful maneuvering through the alleys, he slipped in through the door of the house and stared at the trap door intently.

"Well, here goes." And he swung it open and descended into the dungeon. Directly into a hundred crossbows pointed straight at him in a stone corridor with torches placed on the walls. He smiled weakly. "Can't we all just get along?"

-----------

Scotty meanwhile, wound back behind the Sword Shop as Joe had several days before, though, this time, Charlie the Tramp was absent. The large Black Arm's Hideout loomed before him, trash piled up on its right-front side. The doormen were absent, but Joe had failed to inform Scotty that such guards even existed in the first place.

He crept up to the door silently, it was a double wooden door, the left half hung open slightly, and he peeked in, but then there was a footstep on gravel and his eyes widened. Scotty spun around, too late, as a muscular guard swung at him in the face and knocked him through the door. He felt a hinge snap on the right door as he slid a couple of feet inside.

"Oh, man.."

Scotty sat up, holding his side and bracing himself as dust on the hideout floor swirled around him. He coughed and fell back, two legs on either side of his head in army green pants. They led up to a woman in a loose, white shirt with a low, revealing collar that ended above her belly button. She had deep, tan skin and a nicely-curved bosom. But that was, unfortunately, set off by the arrow of a crossbow pointed at the tip of his nose.

----------

Joe was pushed forward by longswords to the back, and his scimitar was confiscated and thrown behind a gate at the opposite end of the corridor. "So, what's a punk like you doing in a place like this?" A man approached him who wore a full, grey-black suit complete with a red tie. "I'm hear to see Straven, I want to join the Phoenix Gang." The man laughed loudly. "What makes you think you're quite gang material?" The man had a distinctly educated accent for a member of a vicious gang.

"That's for Straven to decide, I guess." Joe swallowed, and the man raised an eyebrow and took a long breath, as if he could smell his fear. "Well, you're looking at him." He straightened his red bow-tie and walked all the way around Joe.

"So, you're serious?" He sounded amused. "So, you're seriously Straven?" Joe decided to try the tough-guy act, since the Gang certainly wasn't looking for wimps. "So I am. And I don't let just anybody into my precious little family. I mean, barging in here without an announcement, you probably usually be shoved full of crossbow bolts by now. But I've taken a liking to you, kid, almost like déjà vu, I guess." He stroked his chin.

"So, how do I get in?" Straven sucked in a breathe through his teeth, and spun around on his heel. "There's a Black Arms agent in the Blue Moon Inn at nine 'o clock tonight setting down a deal. They call him Jonny the Beard, real tough guy, I hear. Some sort of report, I hear it has something to do with strategic locations and the Gang's movements in Varrock." He walked forward, and a guard unlocked the gate at the other end of the corridor for him. "Perhaps you could go and get it for me, hmm?" And the gate shut behind him, and Joe was pushed back to the ladder, which he quickly climbed up.

----------

Scotty was hauled up by the two doorsman, and the woman backed up and pointed her crossbow down at the floor. "What are you doing in my hide-out?" It was of a command than a question. "I want to join your Gang!" He said it quickly and his voice cracked and he swallowed quickly. He had to get his famous Wilderness macho, he was Scotty Kill, so he said it again, more confidently. "I want to join your Gang."

The woman laughed. "Figures, a bunch of you scum, coming around these days. I should just shoot you know and dump you in the alley, maybe Charlie will find something useful in ya'." But she automatically seemed to be thinking about it. "What's yer name?" Scotty blinked. "I asked you a question!" Scotty responded loudly, "Scotty!" Despite his pride, he decided it was better not to draw unwanted attention.

"Name's Katrine, leader of the Black Arm Gang! And don't get into any of that sexist crap, I'll beat you from here to the Wildy!" She swung her crossbow as if in emphasis. "So, you say you want to join the Black Arm, eh, kid?" Katrine turned to him, taking a long hard, look at him. Then she leaned forward and sniffed him, a long hard, sniff, and she brushed herself up against him. Scott tried to look down and hide his blush.

"Tell you what, kid. There's something I like about you, and I don't say that to just about anyone, something in yer stink. Jonny, let go of 'em!" The bulky guard let go of his collar and he stumbled forward, but Katrine got him. "Stay out of my space, Scotty. I don't like to be touched. So, about that joining, I just have one little task for ya', I want two Phoenix Crossbows. Yeah, if you're joining this one, I'm sure you've heard of the other one. They have very specific crossbows, which makes them so quick in the streets. Now, we have a man making a deal in the Blue Moon Inn tonight, and those neat-o crossbows could really help us out, maybe even be a trophy, even." Scotty nodded over-enthusiastically. "Now, you have ten seconds to get the hell out of here." Scotty blinked. "9, 8. 7.."

And he turned and sprinted out through the double doors, leaving them swinging, Katrine's cackle echoed behind him. Charlie had returned from whatever errand he had been doing, and watched him pass with a shrug.

----------

Joe sat at a table on the ground floor of the Blue Moon Inn, and the night life began to bustle in, arousing a ruckus and noise to rebound on the silent night streets of Varrock.

Scotty returned to the table with two foamy glass mugs of beer and took a swig as he sat down and slid the other across to Joe. "So, why did you want to meet here?" Joe looked around the bar. "There's a guy here from the Black Arm Gang, I have to get some sort of report off of him." Scotty blinked in disbelief. "Then why am I here? What if he recognizes me, Katrine will be on me before you can even get back to the Phoenix."

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll do all the heavy-lifting, he probably won't see you or recognize you. How tough can the guy be?" Joe looked around. "He should be coming in any time -." There was a heavy swing of the door and a man with a long, bushy, brown beard with a totally bald head shuffled in and sat down at the bar."That's him!"

Scotty glanced over and his eyes widened, "That's one of the door guys!" Joe blinked. "Door guys?" Scotty sunk lower in his seat. "The door guys from the Hideout." Joe smiled wryly. "Well, maybe he will recognize you." Scotty leaned toward him to stop him, but Joe had already slipped out of his grasp and had taken a seat at the bar a few feet away from Jonny the Beard.

The bartender flipped open the nozzle on the beer keg and fresh beer poured out, foaming up to the rim. "Ere Jonny, compliments from the guy on the end." Jonny raised an eyebrow, and cocked his head to the side and saw Joe at the far end with a stupid grin on his face. "What are you lookin' at?" And in a split second Joe sprung forward and socked him in the eye.

Jonny sprawled backwards, his beer mug spinning and breaking on the floor. His arm dragged across the bar, sending beer mugs shattering onto the hardwood floor. "Okay, somebody's paying for that!" Joe ignored the bartender and drew his schimmy, waving it at Jonny tauntingly. But, he pulled a crossbow and he threw himself across a nearby table as the bolt embedded itself in the ceiling. Joe laughed as Jonny reloaded.

"Is that the best you got?" Jonny growled, aiming at Joe, he ran to the side, but not quite quick enough. Jonny pointed his crossbow downward and a bolt pierced through his leg, and he dove behind the bar with a yell. Scotty straightened up as he set down his beer glass, and with a sigh drew his sword and ran forward.

Jonny, meanwhile, walked around the counter and kicked Joe's scimitar across the floor and under a table. "It's time, me 'eartie!" He picked him up by the collar with a growl and trained his crossbow's tip at his heart. Then there was a surprised gasp and Jonny fell to the floor, taking Joe with him. Scotty stood above them with a half-broken bottle of wine in his hand, which he tossed to the side and gave Joe a hand up. They both turned to the bartender who had just now poked his head above the counter. "Can we borrow your cellar?"

----------

After carefully tying up Jonny the Beard in the basement of the Blue Moon Inn and taking the intelligence scroll from his pocket, Joe and Scotty again set off their separate ways to finally finish this quest after making final plans. "Okay, so you need two Phoenix Crossbows?" Scotty nodded. "That shouldn't be a problem, assuming I'm not maimed and/or killed before I can join." And Scotty nodded again. "And then we can get the Shield and finish this bugger once and for all." They saluted once more and set off.

A short minute later Joe entered into the doorway of the Phoenix Headquarters and climbed down, this time, they seemed almost to be expecting him. They kept him waiting around until Straven came through the gate at the end of the hall, hands behind his back, with a smirk on his face,

"I assume you have the scroll, nine has come and gone." He stretched out a stiff hand, and Joe quickly dug in his pack, trying not to sweat. Straven snatched back his hand as soon as the report was in it, and quickly rolled it open. Satisfied, he closed it with a smile before he stuffed it in one of the pockets of his suit. "This will surely help us defeat the Black Arm Gang, since by tomorrow, they'll realize their agent is missing." The Phoenix Leader paused, and finally, took a low bow to Joe, and when he rose back up, he was beaming maliciously.

"Welcome to the Phoenix Gang!"

There were some short "Huzzah!"s and scattered applause, but the gang quickly returned to whatever they were doing, which was, surely, illegal. But Straven beckoned to Joe and led him to the gate at the end. "Grunge, get this man a key, and quickly!" He snapped for emphasis, and the Gate Guard dug into a chest and pulled out a ring of keys, and took one of the less-rusty ones off and shoved it into Joe's hand.

"Go on, son, open it up!" Straven stared at him in amusement, and Joe fumbled with the key for a moment, but gripped it tight and inserted it into the lock, he turned it and with a click, the gate swung open of its own accord. Straven led him in and he followed, to his slight disappointment, the rest of the headquarters was more stone dungeon with torches mounted on the walls.

"Here's our treasure room, don't go in there without a senior gang member to accompany you, eventually, you'll be doing the same." Straven chuckled, but Joe didn't find it amusing, because he couldn't help but think that would probably be where the Shield half was. "These are the Gang quarters, but we mostly just use them to pass the day, they're cramped and you'd probably rather be off in some other part of the city. You'd be surprised what cowards most of these lugs are, afraid of busts and other pointless things." This raised a few growls from the rooms, but no one dared to attack Straven.

"Now, you over there, Snatch, show our new friend here to the armory, we need to get him some crossbows!" A short, blonde, spikey-haired kid darted up and nodded ecstatically at Straven. "C'mon man, let's get you all loaded up." Straven followed them out, and then turned back down the hallway as Grunge let them back out of the gate.

"Okay, now remember, when you're facing away from the door to the house, the armory is to the right. Right next to us, actually. Heh, get it?" Snatch was young and hyper, and the sooner Joe got this over with, the better. "Okay, Stryka doesn't actually like me going in the armory anymore, ever since I broke two of his ribs. Anyway, you'll have to go in alone." Joe blinked as Snatch led him to the door next-door to the house with the trap-door. Snatch knocked on the door six times rhythmically and there was the sound of logs sliding and clicking. "Heh, this place is sealed up a bit tighter since there's not a trap door under it, plus, Stryka's kind of obsessive."

The door flew open and a gruff looking man in iron armor with a black goatee stepped out, eyeing Joe carefully. "Snatch, get out of my sight, I want to keep my bones healthy this time around!" Snatch began to bound back towards the other house, giggling. "Your pelvis will be the next to go!" Stryka growled as Snatch went through the door, and turned back to Joe. "So, I guess you're the new guy Straven mentioned earlier? I knew I'd either hear screams or see you up here." He scratched his neck, and Joe gulped.

"Hurry in, and don't touch anything!" Joe walked in as Stryka quickly did all the locks back up on the door, and hurried back up in front of him. They preceded up the small stairs and into another room filled with cabinets and swords and crossbows and knives mounted on the walls. There was a sink on one wall with a few crossbows sitting in it, as soon as they entered, Stryka shuffled over and turned on the faucet. Then he took one and gave it to Joe after drying it up with a rag profusely.

"So, there you go, the sleekest crossbow in Runescape, no doubt. Now, get out of my sight." And he turned to a cabinet, and, quickly, Joe fished one more wet crossbow out of the sink, praying Stryka wouldn't notice until he was long gone. As he was walking away, Stryka turned back to him. "Why are you still here, get your ugly face out of my armory.!" And Joe shuffled down the stairs hurriedly, undid the tedious locks, and left. But he couldn't help but smile as he heard the Phoenix Weapon Master doing the locks back up behind him.

----------

"So, do you have 'em?" Scotty snuck out from behind the bushes on the corner, giving Joe a start. "Jeez, you don't have to be all mysterious about it, there's nobody around." Scotty laughed nervously. "Eyes and ears, mate. It's half-past midnight, the gangs are about." Joe laughed despite himself. "You sound like a pirate, now here." He dug into his pack and took out the two crossbows with the distinct Phoenix design on them.

"Good, now how about we shack up at the Blue Moon, eh? We probably owe that bloody bartender anyway." Scotty smiled back at Joe, and they went up the steps and opened the doors to the Inn with a jingle. But, unbeknownst to them, someone lurked in the bushes behind the fence..

----------

Scotty and Joe checked out in the mid-morning, and parted ways to get their respective halves of the Shield of Arrav once and for all, and, in Scott's case, to get into the Black Arm Gang.

He set off across Varrock and quickly came across the Black Arm's Hideout behind a small building. There was only one guard at the door, and he felt uncomfortably like he knew why. "So, did the other guy get a hernia?" He chuckled lightly, but the doormen punched him on the arm as he walked in, and he waited until he was out of sight to bend down and scream inside his head at the pain.

Katrine seemed to be almost waiting for him, by the time he'd walked into the second room, she came straight for him. She grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him off his feet. "You better have some crossbows, 'cause Katrine ain't in no good mood!" She dropped him and he smiled nervously. "Err, here.." He dug into his pack, accidentally dropping out a toy horse, which he picked up in embarrassment as amusement crossed Katrine's face.

"Here they are!" He pulled them out, holding them carefully in one hand, he brought the other up to steady them. Katrine snatched them from his hand, inspecting the Phoenix decals, she smiled, tossing them over to another Black Arm, who caught it and fumbled with them before he stumbled into the other room.

"Good, they may know our next move, but we have their crossbows, and Mulch can make more. And we're going to do something that ain't in the report, we're going to attack the Phoenix in the streets and get revenge no matter what we do. The Phoenix took down Jonny, and they ain't getting away with it!" Scotty simply swallowed.

"Welcome to the gang, bub! Looks like you'll be getting some action by the end of the week too." And she ended the conversation by storming off back towards the foyer, several Black Arm followed her, and they proceeded into the street. So, Scotty decided, what better time to steal the Shield than when the gang leader wasn't around? Katrine hadn't given him the tour, but he eventually found his way around by asking other members and investigating on his own. So he soon found himself on the second floor of the Gang House, which was nearly deserted at this time of day. Perfect for dropping in and taking a shield without anyone noticing, hopefully.

The last gang member on this floor passed by him on the stairs up, and they nodded in greeting to each other. It was time to search the floor, Scotty spent at least an hour looking for the shield until he came to the last room. It was always in the last room. He took a nervous glance down the hallway at the stairs back down below.

He took a chest out from under the bed, no dice, just a book about knitting, whatever that would have been for. He lifted up the mattress, and didn't find anything. He let out a groan of frustration, and turned his attention to the cabinet on the other side of the room. Scotty hopped over the bed, and opened the left door, which just revealed an old, cracked mug and a needle covered in dust. So, with rising tension, he flung open the right cupboard

"Hello, Shieldy-Shield!"

There was the right side of a shield, deep blue with a silver insignia in the center and a shiny, silver border. It still shined brilliantly despite the dust. Scotty pulled the cobwebs from it and took it off of the shelf. He backed up, simply admiring it, and stuffed it in his pack, taking a nervous look at the door.

Scotty strode casually out of the room and continued downstairs, he greeted a few more gang members, who didn't seem to notice anything particularly suspicious, and made it all the way into the foyer. But just then, Katrine brust through the doors with an angry look on her face, and Scotty couldn't guarantee anything right off the bat, but she seemed a couple men short. "Those scum Phoenix, they knew where we were, I knew it! I bloody knew it, now they have the report, and we'll l be stranded here in the Hideout for the next month if they don't find us. They took out Gruff and Nite, too, the wretched thieves!" She swore several more times and paced, and suddenly noticed Scotty.

"What're you doing?" She stared intently at him, as if she could sense something the slightest wrong with his composure, his person. As if she could sense the Shield itself. "What?" Scotty's voice cracked, and he winced, as Katrine smiled wryly. "Just.. get out of my sight!" She pushed him aside and continued farther into the Hideout. "I'll be upstairs!" Scotty blinked, and inched toward the door, sensing that he should probably go.

----------

Joe climbed back down the Phoenix Gang HQ Ladder for the third time in two days, hopefully for the last time. Ever. Straven was nowhere to be seen, but nobody paid him a second thought as he walked up to the gate where Grunge stood guard, and unlocked it and stepped through. The treasure room was down the hall, he had to get in, and get out.

Joe walked casually down the corridor and, quickly, as the space was vacant as a Phoenix member turned a corner, he quickly ran into the treasure room and hid next to the door. The room was filled with chests and sacks, and he quickly went forward to the first chest and opened it up with a creak. It was empty except for a few bags of gold, which should have interested him, but he just wanted to leave.

He turned to a nearby burlap sack and started to open it when there was a laugh at the door. "Taking a quick dig, eh?" It was Snatch, Joe turned around slowly and swallowed. He walked in and closed the door softly behind him. "What, afraid I'm going to bust you about digging in Straven's treasures? He doesn't give a goblin's skull about all this, his precious shield is in his chest in his quarters. This is just gold and trinkets fer gang purposes, all the newbies sneak in here." Snatch giggled. "I did too, I just remembered to close the door!" He burst out laughing and Joe looked around nervously.

Snatch walked forward and dug a few coins out of one of the bags in the chest and stuffed it in his pocket. "Heh, yay me." He smiled, and Joe in turn took a small fistful out of the burlap sack and stuck it in his money pouch. 'C'mon, get outta here." Snatch led him out and nodded him off. "We're going out on another Black Arm raid tonight, gotta get ready!" And he disappeared around a corner.

Joe walked back down the corridor and into where Straven had said were the bedrooms, and he looked for the one that belonged to Straven, accidentally peeking in on a female thief getting dressed. Which, unfortunately, he had been thoroughly beaten for. But, finally, he found Straven near the end of the hall. The reason that the gang leader had not been seen this morning yet is because he was still asleep in his quarters.

And, at the foot of his bed, according to Snatch, was a chest containing his half of the Shield. He snuck into the bedroom and slowly clicked the door behind him, and tried to slow his breathing. But it was like Joe's heart was deafening and Straven was sure to hear. But he still crept forward and knelt next to the chest, it had a lock, but it was unlocked, and clicked open easily. But then, he was startled by a low noise in the bedroom.

"Ah!"

Joe's head snapped back as he stared at the fully-awaken Straven staring with a bemused look as he held open the cover of the chest. He could just grab his half if the shield and run now, before Straven could get his henchman, but it was as if Straven could read his mind. "There'll be no running in my place, boy. You know, when I said there was something I liked about you, I wasn't kidding. You have, what's it called - charisma! And I never did catch your name, son!" Joe paused, not quite getting it, and he smiled a little. "Joe Player Killer," And Straven laughed.

"No bloody kidding! I knew I'd seen you somewhere, you're that quest guy, heh." Joe began to close the chest slowly, and Straven snorted. "Meh, take the bloody Shield, it's broken, and I'll just get my boys to steal it for me again." Joe nodded and quickly got the Shield half and put it into his pack. "Oh, yeah, and you can think your friend Snatch for reporting the Shield-stealing plot! Nice job infiltrating the Black Arm, too! May come in useful some day!" Straven lay back down as he was laughing and Joe left the room and hurried down the hallway as several Phoenix Gang Members stared at him on his way out.

----------

Scotty ran out into the middle of the street, and looked around nervously. "Joe?!" And, as if on cue, Joe walked out from the alleys and on to the sunny street filled with people going back and forth. "You got the Shield?!" Joe yelled from across the street, and Scotty gave him a thumbs up in the air. He pushed his way through the crowd and over to Joe.

"We should probably hurry, Katrine is bound to notice the Shield is gone any minute." Joe blinked. "And how is that?" Scotty smiled innocently. "Just cause, eh?" And they both laughed. "So, who should we be giving our loot to?" Joe looked around. "I was thinking the Curator, but then I thought about how this was a royal treasure, and we should atleast give it to the King first." Scotty blinked. "The King? In the Palace?" Joe laughed as they got lost in the crowd.

"You'll get used to him!"

_Well, I kind of fabricated and guessed on a couple of things here, honestly. I'm too lazy to actually go out and repeat the quest, so Katrine and Straven's personalities may have been off. Along with a few layouts and other things, but I think it worked out pretty well, and I hoped that you liked it. :D_


	10. The Witch's Potion

_Okay, been a bit longer than I wished it would've since the last update (When has it not? Heh.), but here you go. I was actually a little surprised at how long this ended up being. Also, I was looking back through my reviews for no bloody reason (Thine name is Pride.) and I'm just going to go ahead and make a note, I _am_accepting anybody who wants to suggest a character._

**Runescape Chronicles**  
**The Witch's Potion**

"How did this _happen?!"_

Joe screamed to the air as he scrambled through trees and over rocks, a horde of goblins tailing behind. Arrows whizzed past his head and battle cries rung in his ears. "I turn my back for a freaking second!" He turned and yelled at the Goblins, who laughed and jeered.

The drop-off of a quarry wall steeply fell before him, and he looked behind him, and immediately ducked as an arrow flew above him. Joe swallowed, and slid down the rocky slope, tearing loose gravel as he went. He fell sharply backwards, and the soil came loose and he tumbled down into the quarry and rolled across the hard ground. The Goblins roared and jeered in anger at losing their quarry. But Joe saw, in horror, that they were circling around to the north side of the pit, lighting torches in the dying light.

Joe groaned and stood up, adjusting his balance, and getting a few curious stares from some late afternoon miners. "What are you looking at, have you been shot with a Goblin's arrow? 'Cause you should!" He growled, and maneuvered around some iron rocks and scrambled up the southern entrance to the quarry, and he saw a small village, lights streaming through windows.

Joe looked backwards to see a line of torches bouncing down the northern entrance of the quarry, shouting at the miners nearby. "Should buy me some time." He panted, smiling, despite himself. Looking anxiously towards the village.

Joe ran through the gloom and on to the cobblestone path into the village, which led into a misshapen village square with an old well raised on circular steps. Four paths leading in four different directions led to different, squat, stone buildings around the square. He looked wildly around and picked the nearest building, in the southwestern corner of the village, and knocked frantically, looking behind him as goblin voices carried over the village.

"Hello?" Joe almost punched a man in the face as he pulled the door open, and Joe stepped backward and grinned nervously. The man wore a thick, light brown apron over baggy, green pants. His hair was dark brown and hung over his eyes, sticking up in places, and he had a goatee growing out of his chin, which he instinctively stroked upon seeing Joe at his doorstep.

"Okay, I know how sudden this is, but, um.. See, there's a pack of goblins chasing after me and I _really_ -." The man laughed, his eyes sparkling beneath his unkempt hair. "Ofcourse, the fiends act like they run the place. Come in, come in, the little cowards give up too easily." He motioned and turned around.

Joe sighed in relief and gently shut the door behind him. "My name is Joe Pl - Joe, thanks." He thought it would be best to leave out his title, since he was certainly not in the mood for any quests. The man turned to him with a warm smile and outstretched his hand, which Joe shook tentatively. "Name's Rommik, and I run this little craft store in bottom-of-the-continent Rimmington." Joe nodded silently. The name Rimmington seemed vaguely familiar, and he assumed it was the name of the village.

He looked around the room, seeing a desk where Rommik must usually sit, and shelves lined with moulds and rolls of thread and other assorted items. "Again, thank you." Rommik sat down at a chair in front of the desk. "No worries, I'd be glad to have you for the night." He said, picking up a needle absentmindedly and picking at a piece of fabric on his desk. "Thank you." Joe nodded hurriedly, despite his politeness, he was very sleepy, and he wanted to be able to get up bright and early so as not to impose on Mr. Rommik.

On his way into his host's guest room, he glanced out one of the store front windows to see torches waving across the square, and one goblin stepped into the moonlight by the fountain, and then they all retreated back into the shadows to their forests.

----------

Joe blinked as light filtered through the guest room window and blinded him. He turned over, groaning to himself, and remembered that he had a host. Joe slid off the bed, smoothing out the covers behind him and slinked over to his pack next to the dresser. He dressed up in his armor and proceeded swiftly out into the main room, where Rommik was bent over a boiling pot filled with grayish liquid.

He turned and smiled at Joe. "Good morning, there's some bacon and eggs on the range. A bit cold, but please, help yourself." He turned his attention back to his pot and stirred it with a metal spoon, rubbing his chin. Joe proceeded over to the range and piled a few strips of bacon and some eggs on a wooden plate he'd taken from a cupboard. After eating, Rommik gave him some lessons on amulet-crafting, but he finally decided it was time to leave the man alone.

"Well, sir, I think it's about time that I should head off. I don't like to impose." He laughed slightly, and Rommik turned and nodded. "You aren't imposing, boy. It's been fun having some company over, safe journeys." He grinned, and Joe grinned sheepishly back. He gathered up his things, and with a last grin and wave, went out the door.

He pulled out an old map and sat on the steps of the well, two children were running around the square playing tag, and he smiled as he ran a finger over the map. He traced the paths down to Rimmington on Asgarnia's southern peninsula. Port Sarim and Falador, the latter of which was from where he had come, though he had not meant to come so far down the continent's peninsula.

But he was suddenly interrupted by a raspy shout from across the square. "Hey, you!" Joe looked up, looking wildly around, wondering if it was a goblin. But instead, he saw an old, ugly woman in a ragged black dress and a bent conical hat of the same color. She was plainly a witch. Joe, himself, had had unpleasant business with witches in the past, and preferred to avoid them, for all the wizards and witches he met tended to be, for lack of a better expression, "off their rockers."

"You! You're the one I've foreseen!" Joe's eye twitched, looking around nervously. The kids had edged over to the other side of the square and resumed their game, and the witch was walking towards him now.

"The Player Killer!"

Joe groaned, crumpling the map back up.

----------

"Look, I'm really not in the mood, witch!" The old woman, whom he now knew as Hetty, had somehow managed to corral him into the shack in the southeastern corner of the village she called a house. "I didn't come here, and I don't care how you knew I was coming or what I have to do!"

The witch Hetty still cackled at him. "But I saw it in my cauldron! I asked it, and it showed me." She spun around whimsically, which only served to annoy Joe even more. "And I recognized your face from the posters!" Joe frowned, even here he wasn't free of Bob's advertisement. But he tried to act polite.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'll help you some other time." Now it was Hetty's turn to frown. "But I must make a potion! I'll let you sample some of it, I'm unable to go and get the ingredients by myself, being as elderly as I am." Joe raised an eyebrow. "So, you used a spell on the cauldron to see the future so that you could have help to.. find ingredients?" Hetty smiled proudly. "Yes, so, have you changed your mind yet?"

Joe groaned, but shook his head. Though the witch was clearly out of her mind, he decided that he would help her, he probably wouldn't be able to live with himself if he left an old woman by herself, even if she was a crazy witch. "Fine!" He paced around in a circle, grumbling, and Hetty clapped her hands excitedly. "Can you make a.. list.."

Before he could even finish speaking, the witch had whisked a piece of yellowed paper off of a nearby shelf and held it out to him, and Joe's eye twitched threateningly.

----------

"Onions.."

Joe scratched his chin. It always came down to onions. There was a field just north of Rimmington which was a few minute walk. He looked around for any farmers or travelers watching, and silently slipped through the gate. The northern side of the field was planted with rows of cabbage, and the southern end was lined with onions, which was what Joe currently seeked.

Joe quickly skimmed the fields for a good onion and plucked one out of the ground, wiping off some of the dirt from its bulb and sticking it into his pack. Sighing, he looked up and saw the Crafting Guild on the coast reflecting sunlight in the distance, the faint sound of cows coming from its fenced-in pasture and the waves foaming on the rocks. With a quick smirk, Joe turned and left the field for his next objective.

----------

Next he simply had to find a rat and cut off its tail, which Joe spent several tedious hours trying to find. Trying to round them into corners or catch them, with no success. But he finally managed to round one up. Though Joe couldn't help feeling sorry for the small rodent, he sliced off its tail and let it scurry back off into the dark corners of the little village. Joe shrugged, and then continued on with his ingredient hunt.

Having found the rat's tail, he proceeded to collect the next item; the eye of a newt. And the nearest magic shop was further north at Port Sarim, so Joe quickly hiked there. On the north end of the docks was a small magic shop run by a woman by the name of Betty. Upon entering the shop, Joe was confronted by a woman in a slim, purple shirt with a black dress and a ruby amulet hanging around her neck.

"Uh, hey!" Joe smiled nervously, and Betty smiled back. "What d'ya need?" She set something straight on a shelf, and Joe cleared his throat. "Do you stock Eye of Newt here?" She nodded, heading into the back of the shop and yelling out to him. "Most people just come by for runes, but - yes! I still have a jar of Eye of Newt gathering dust back here!"

Betty reappeared with a large jar filled with a murky green liquid, and, floating around inside, bouncing against the glass and against eachother, were a bunch of lonely eyeballs that all seemed to be staring at Joe. He tugged at his collar nervously. "So, how many do ya' want?" Betty unscrewed the cap with a screeching sound, and reached into the liquid. Joe swallowed, and cleared his throat again.

"Just one thanks." She giggled at his squeamishness and grabbed an eyeball that bobbed near the surface. "Making an attack potion?" She asked. Joe chuckled lightly. "Sort of.." She moved to drop it in his hand and he quickly covered it with a piece of cloth and wrapped the eyeball up in it, trying not to gag. Betty looked over a piece of paper on the front desk and turned back to him. "That will be three pieces of gold for one Eye of Newt." She smiled as he tucked away the eye and fished in his money pouch.

"Here." Joe dropped three gold coins into her hand and Betty retreated back to the counter, sorting them into a drawer, which she then shut and locked back up. "Well, I'll be on my way then." He eyed the jar of newts' eyes. Betty giggled again and waved him off. "Guthix be with you!"

----------

The last task was the one Joe had saved for last, simply because he didn't look forward to trekking through goblin-infested forests to find an oversized rat. But, it was either that or travel all the way to Varrock or some other city's slums to find more, and he preferred to get this done as soon as possible. If he came across goblins, he'd be ready to deal with them better this time around.

As it was, he was about to get his wish as he saw a goblin watcher leave a tick patch of trees, too late. Joe just stared at them for a second, and it opened its mouth as to let out a goblin war cry but he moved forward, and it was forced to leap to the side and silence itself, drawing a short sword and waving it threateningly.

Joe gritted his teeth in anticipation, and swung his sword out in an arc, and it hit the goblin's with a loud clang. He swung his gaze out to the forest, and froze as he heard another war cry, from not too far away, from what must be a goblin camp. He was knocked out of his thoughts by a quick strike from the goblin that caught him off guard, swiping across his cheek and making a cut that oozed blood.

He winced and jumped backwards, parrying another blow and scraping against the goblins sword. Sword against sword, he scraped it downwards, some sparks leaped from between the blades. Joe grinned despite himself and twirled his scimitar around the goblin's sword and bent the blade, sending it spinning out of the goblin's grasp.

It gasped as he pointed the tip of his blade at its throat. "Don't m - !" But before he could do anything he heard the twang of a bow and swung out his scimitar, clipping an oncoming arrow and sending it spinning into the grass. The first goblin ran for his sword, but before he could do anything, Joe sprinted into the opposite side of the woods. Hopefully he'd be able to lose them in the winding trees. But that hadn't worked the night before, either.

More ululating cries resounded behind him, but he found his quarry. A feral rat stood tearing at a rotten cabbage, which no doubt came from the field Joe himself had been at hours ago. The giant rat looked at him, red eyes gleaming, but before it could do anything, he plunged his sword into it and the giant rat was no more.

In better circumstances, he would've taken it to a clearing and skinned, but, so to speak, he'd have to take it on the run.

----------

"How did this _happen?!_"

Joe screamed to the air as he scrambled through trees and over rocks, a horde of goblins tailing behind. Arrows whizzed past his head and battle cries rung in his ears. But now, a giant rat under his arm was oozing blood over the side of his armor. And this time, there was no mine with which to lose the goblins that were tailing him. He was headed south around the southern side of Rimmington, where he would hopefully be able to slip between the buildings and the goblins would stay out of the village, where someone might see them.

Joe ducked around a tree and saw a gap between Hetty's home and another building, and he rushed between it, stumbling into the square, where the two children were now sitting on the opposite side of the square, drawing a hop-scotch board. He took a breath and looked behind him, his eyes widened and he automatically ducked as an arrow whipped through the air and drove itself into the side of the well.

The children looked up and screamed as a line of goblins began to file through the gap in the buildings. "Fresh meat soon!" One hissed, and they all joined in the jeering and cried in having him cornered. A door opened and a man rushed over to the children, but the goblins ignored him, taunting in their guttural language. Before Joe could do anything, he was drawing his mythril scimitar and warding them off, clashing with a dozen short swords in one arc of his sword. There was a clang and a jolt shot through his arm.

Joe stumbled backwards, swiping one sword away, but another caught him off balance and swiped along the upper left side of his chest, slicing through his armor. He cried out and fell backwards with a loud thump, and the goblins laughed uproariously. Joe shut his eyes, but the goblins never struck, and there was a dull, green light pulsing behind his eyelids.

Joe opened his eyes, a green light glowed radiantly above him, he tilted his head backwards and saw a man holding an amulet that emitted the glow by its golden chain. He lowered his arm and the light shifted and Joe saw Rommik's face covered in green.

The goblins were staring in suspicion and doubt at the light, but a second later, they began to growl and retreated. Rommik followed them slowly, waving the green amulet back and forth, until the last goblin scurried back through the gap in the buildings.

Rommik returned to Joe's side and stretched out a hand to help him up. Joe took it and Rommik pulled him to his feet, he staggered, and then caught his balance. Rommik inspected Joe's cut, and nodded. The glow from the amulet receded, and he hung it back around his neck. "Amulet of Defense, one of many advantages of being a skilled craftsman." He grinned and Joe laughed weakly.

"Now, didn't I tell you _safe_journeys, son?"

----------

Joe slammed the door of Hetty's shack behind him, giving her a hateful glare, he quickly sat down on her floor and grimaced as he skinned down the giant rat, and, without even bothering to clean it up, he followed the witch's advice and went to the house just north of hers, empty, but with a working range in the corner. She said that it needed to be burnt, and so he stuck it inside, and waited. And waited.. And waited..

A couple of hours later, in the late afternoon light, Joe drug a barely recognizable, scorched and smoking giant rat carcass to Hetty, and kicked open her front door. In the middle of stirring her now-bubbling cauldron, he sore loudly and threw the burnt meat into the cauldron and hot water poured over the sides and splashed through the air. Hetty recoiled to the corner of the room, her eyes wide, and then cackled as loud as she ever could.

Joe sat down and pulled out his pack, digging through it and providing the Eye of Newt, the onion, and the rat tail, which Hetty promptly stirred into her cauldron, which, once everything was added, glowed an eerie green. Though Joe could've left, despite his irritation, he couldn't help but be curious.

Several minutes later, Hetty made satisfactory noises to herself, and sipped some of the green stuff off of her metal spoon, and grinned. "Oh, you must try it." Joe frowned, too tired to yell at her. "Do I really have to?" Hetty looked sadly at him. "Oh, well, no.." Her voice wavered, and though Joe was well aware it was an act, he groaned and got to his feet. Hetty clapped her hands together and cackled in glee. She supplied him with a metal ladle and he stared silently at the bubbling green liquid, and filled up the ladle.

And then, he drank it...


	11. Prince Ali Rescue

_Well, I'm sure you're surprised I'm actually updating on time. I meant it, the most important distraction I've ever had from updating my stories has been removed (Besides laziness, of course. :P) Also, I'm just going to go ahead and say this: In the middle of writing the first few paragraphs, I checked a map and realized that Al Kharid doesn't actually lead to Morytania, so I made up a very poor reason for him going there, so, sowwy. Along with that I should probably say that I put the Sheep Shearer quest in here simply because I realized there was no way I could do anything remotely interesting with it. And, as always, I don't own it, just wrote it._

**Runescape Chronicles**  
**Prince Ali Rescue**

Joe groaned, digging in his money pouch, frowning. He only had twenty gold left, half of which he now needed to pass through the toll gate to Al Kharid. There was a small line of travelers in front of him, paying the toll of ten gold so the guards would open up the gate for them. Every time Joe looked up, the line was getting shorter and shorter, the ancient gates screeching as they creaked open over and over.

Bob in Lumbridge had given him ten coins since he had been nearly broke, and now he was going to have to spend them to get through Al Kharid to Morytania, and he would be just as poor as when he started. "Next!" Joe sighed resignedly, moving forward and digging back into his money pouch to hand the guard his gold. "Go on through." And there was the sound of metal sliding against metal, and he walked through the gates, but they slid back together a second after he was clear with a loud clang.

----------

Al Kharid was a small desert town, made up of white tents and adobe buildings, many in disrepair or with features worn away from years of sand damage. Dusty paved streets wound around them, men and women wrapped in thick robes and turbans pacing them over and over. The sun glowing in the sky beat down, un-obscured by clouds, radiated off of the adobe and marble, emanating an almost unbearable heat that reflected off of every surface. And it all led up to the glorious Al Kharid Palace. Among a town of poverty, it dominated everything, marble walls and stone spirals circling around a square courtyard bordered with cobblestones and expertly-chiseled statues of men with the heads of animals and a beautiful fountain that reflected the sunlight's beauty.

But on this particular part of the day, the dynamic shadow of the Palace stretched in the wrong direction, leaving the people to the sun's mercy, and among those unfortunates was Joe Player Killer. Sweat dripped from every pore so much that he was forced to remove his armor from a combination of the fact it kept in the heat, and for fear that it would begin to rust, so Joe put on his regular clothes to soak in his sweat.

He needed to stop in the Palace to borrow a boat from them so he could cross the Rive Salve to get into Morytania, being far too lazy to go all the way around, he decided to go through Al Kharid instead, by somewhat more unconventional means.

Joe walked under the pillars in the Palace courtyard, gingerly opening two large oaken doors at the very end. Guards patrolling the courtyard and chattering away with other adventurers paid him no attention as he slipped inside. The room was currently dark, though light filtered in through small windows on all sides, sending splashes of light across the floor. Joe looked around, thinking about calling out, but thought otherwise.

He wandered over to one side of the rectangular room, following a velvety beige carpet up to a stone table set into the floor. Joe looked up and noticed the light shining on a throne made of stone, a sketch of the sun in blue inscribed on its back. "Woah.." But before he could say anything more, there was a shout from behind him and he spun around to face a dark-skinned man dressed in all white with a flowing red cape.

"Who goes there?" He had a thick Kharidian accent, and put his hand warily on the hilt of his sword. "Uh?" The man turned his head towards him with a snap. "Who are you?" Joe tried to smile, looking friendly. "I'm just looking to ask for a boat so I can go across the river." The man looked at him suspiciously, and he raised both his hands to show he wasn't carrying anything and was glad he was no longer wearing armor.

"I am Hassan, Chancellor to the Emir." Hassan stood at ease, nodding slightly. "What is your name?" Joe swallowed. "Joe Player Killer." Hassan tried to look unsurprised, but saw Hassan cock an eyebrow, and knew automatically it was a mistake to have revealed his wilderness title. "Player Killer?" Joe shifted uncomfortably. "Well, yeah, but really - !" But Hassan was ignoring him, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

-----------

"I have to do _what?!_"

"The Prince of Al Kharid has been kidnapped, and the King has retreated into his quarters in mourning. If you are able to save the Prince, you will have your boat." Joe couldn't believe his ears. "A Prince for a boat?! Who's getting ripped off here?" Hassan smiled mockingly. "Your deeds have preceded you, Player Killer. Your peacemaking among the Goblins, the slaying of Count Draynor, need I go on? I think you can rescue a mere prince." Though Joe doubted the description of a "mere prince," if he didn't take the job, he would have to take a day's trek all the way through Varrock across the Salve and into Canifis and then down into Mort'ton. And besides, some action would be great.

"Fine!"

Hassan tried to hide his overjoyed grin. "Find Osman!" Joe blinked. "Who?" Hassan grunted impatiently. "He is our Spymaster, tell him I sent you and he will tell you what you have to do." Joe muttered to himself and left Hassan behind, walking outside of the courtyard, he looked around carefully, finally spotting a man hiding in the shadows of the palace. Joe approached him slowly, shouting "Osman!"

The man waited until he was close, unblinking, then grabbed him suddenly, twisting his arm around his back and backing around the corner of the palace, out of view of the courtyard. "Who sent you?" Joe managed an answer. "I'm Joe, Hassan trusts me and sent me so you could tell me how to rescue Prince Ali." Osman grunted, letting him go, but regarding him suspiciously. He was dressed all in black, with a hood over his head, shadowing his face completely except for a small brown goatee.

"_You_ are going to rescue Prince Ali?" He raised an eyebrow, and Joe nodded, grumbling. "What do I need to do, Hassan said you'd know." Osman looked amused, but Joe didn't move. "Okay. Prince Ali was kidnapped by a woman named Lady Keli. My daughter and our best spy, Leela, tracked them to a jail outside Draynor Village. There Lady Keli has him locked up, but he's surrounded by two stupid guards, the usual bandits Keli tails around with. All you need to do is tie up Lady Keli, incapacitate the guards, and disguise Prince Ali as Lady Keli, which shouldn't be too hard with her pathetic guards."

"What do I need?" Osman pulled on his beard thoughtfully. "Probably just a dress or skirt, something to color his skin, and probably some sort of wig would be nice. You'll probably just need to fool them at a distance." Joe nodded, but another idea occurred to him. "How will I get in?" Osman nodded. "Good point, but all you'll need to do is get some clay and make a mold of the key." Joe frowned. "How am I supposed to do that?" Osman laughed. "That shouldn't be too hard, think of something. When you have it, bring it to me with a bronze bar."

Osman suddenly glanced towards the village, and Joe followed his gaze. "What?" But when he looked back at Osman, he was gone.

----------

Joe had finally managed to formulate his plan, and his first stop involved reacquainting himself with an unpleasant witch, though on his way he picked a couple onions from Fred the Farmer's fields. But, finally he arrived at the small brick house on the west side of Draynor Village. He took a deep breath, knocking loudly. "Aggie!"

The door flew open, sending him stumbling backwards, and the young witch Aggie regarded him with amused eyes. "Joe! Welcome back to my.. humble abode." She smiled slyly, and he grumbled, following her inside. "So what is it this time, Player Killer?" Aggie cackled mockingly. "I need you to make me some yellow dye and some skin paste." She scratched her chin, holding out her clawed hand. Joe sighed, digging into his pouch and dropping five gold coins into her outsretched palm.

Aggie smiled and walking over to a shelf lined with books and jars filled with questionable potion ingredients, and pulled out a small booklet. "I am assuming you already have two onions ready for me?" Joe shrugged, pulling two onions out in his hands, fresh and clean. "You know me _too_well." He said gruffly.

She smiled, taking them from him and promptly dropping them into the cauldron in the center of the room, sticking the gold coins in her pocket. "It will be ready in a couple of hours, but, in that time, I suggest that you get me the ingredients for the skin paste." Joe scoffed. "As if I didn't expect that." She quickly wrote it down on a scrap of parchment. "Redberries, flour, water, and ashes, I can do that." Aggie smiled in satisfaction. "Now, move along, I do have other things to attend to." Joe sniffed, and left quietly. "Foolish boy..."

----------

After quickly heading back towards Varrock to pick some Redberries, he carefully stuck them in his pack and went back to Fred the Farmer's field, quietly picking away some of his wheat for his own uses, and headed towards the nearest windmill. After finding one, he was pleased to find it empty so he could quickly use it for his own purposes.

Joe climbed the wooden steps to the top floor, approaching the hopper, he looked over it carefully, he pulled the bundle of grain from his pack, dropping it slowly down inside, he moved around the hopper, reaching for the lever. It didn't budge on the first pull, and Joe grunted. Seems this mill was abandoned for a reason. Joe pulled harder, and it gave with a quick snap and he stumbled backwards as the hopper game to life, spinning quickly, the grain being ground up into flour. He smiled in satisfaction.

Joe moved back down to the bottom level, the flour pouring from the chute into the container in the center of the room. Joe waited until it had all come down, and took out the pot he'd bought during his brief time in Varrock. He dipped it into the pile of flour, pushing it all in and patting it down, leaving only a few fine specks behind. Finally, he screwed the cover of the pot on over the packed-in flour. "There we go."

Now, after he picked up a bucket of water from a well, it was back on the way towards Aggie's house, ingredients and all.

----------

Aggie opened the door as soon as he knocked on it, and he quickly dodge to the side, and she smiled mockingly at him. "Your reflexes are improving." Joe sighed, and walked past her as she cackled at him. He carefully pulled everything out, setting the bucket of water on a counter, piling the redberries beside it, and setting the pot full of flour next to that, taking off the cap. But Aggie raised an eyebrow. "Where are the ashes?" Joe blinked, and reached down under Aggie's boiling cauldron, pulling some ashes from the fire, careful not to burn his fingers, and deposited them in a sizeable pile on the counter. He grinned broadly, and it was now Aggie's turn to frown, but she moved forward, picking up the bucket of water and pouring it into another separate flask carefully.

"There's a little bit left.." She handed him back the bucket, a portion of the water still sloshing around in the bottom. "Now, here's the yellow dye." She gave him a bottle of opaque, yellow liquid which he stuck in his pack as she picked up a redberry, examining it. "I'll be back in a couple of hours or so for the paste, I still have some other things to do." Aggie didn't even look up at him, waving him off as he left.

----------

After Joe payed another quick visit to purchase a coil of rope and a pink skirt to add to the disguise, he continued to his next destination to the south, the town of Lumbridge, where his good friend Bob lived. Though Joe had a quest to finish, he decided to pay him a quick visit anyway.

Bob was currently busy polishing an iron axe, so Joe decided that it was a great idea to sneak up on him. Sneaking quietly across the floor, he reared up behind Bob and let out a loud "BOO!" Bob, surprised, swung around and clipped Joe across the shoulder, and he stumbled backwards and on to the floor, swearing profusely. "Joe, by the Staff of Guthix!" He leaned forward, inspecting the gash welling blood on his shoulder.

Joe was a middle-aged man, with dark brown skin and a shaved head, he was dressed in a red, buttoned shirt and darker red slacks. He lifted up Joe's sleeve and carefully wrapped the wound in bandages and padding, looking embarrassed. Joe winced. "So, what brings you back into Lumbridge?" Joe smiled. "Oh, I'm just making some rounds - ." Bob laughed. "You've got a job, don't you?" He grinned broadly.

"Advertising, simple advertising, my friend! I've got posters all across Misthalin now! I'm shipping to some stores on Kandarin for them to hang up. Yes, we're both expanding, Joe!" Joe started to say something about that, but decided against it.

"So, Bob, can I borrow ten gold?"

----------

Fred the Farmer, like Bob, was one of the many friends he had met during his early time on Misthalin, and he hired him every now and then to do some chores on his farm, such as milking cows or picking eggs. In return Joe was allowed to pick from his fields as he wished, and even so, he still came back every now and then to help out. In this case, though, he was the one who needed help.

"Hey, Fred?" Joe opened the gate of his sheep pen, careful not to let any sheep escape, and yelled again. "Fred, you alive?" He walked across the field, and the door of the house on the other side opened, and a man appeared, waving a pitchfork at him. But the man relaxed, recognizing Joe. "Hey, Joe. What can I do for ya'?" Fred set the pitchfork against the side of the house, and Joe smiled. "Don't suppose I can borrow your shears?"

Fred raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms, but still grinned. "Well, perhaps, for a small chore." Joe grinned back at him, having been expecting it. Fred rubbed his chin in mock indecision, and motioned towards the sheep in the fields, their coats full of wool, and they looked at each other.

Joe left Fred in his house after taking the shears out, and moved into the field, passing from sheep to sheep, shearing off their wool and sticking it into a burlap sack. But, unfortunately, he was finding keeping the sheep still a bigger problem than he had anticipated, and Fred watched in amusement from the window of his home, and Joe smiled in grim determination. He moved from sheep to sheep, even as they fled away, fruitlessly attempting to leap over the fenced, he grabbed them and slid the shears across their great, fluffy wool.

Finally, he managed to gather enough wool from the sheep, and proceeded back inside to give Fred back his shears, no longer in need of them, he headed off back towards Lumbridge Castle, passing by Bob, he paid his respects to old Duke Horacio and the old Cook who had been the man who essentially started his quest business.

But his main objective was the spinning wheel on the second floor. He moved up the stairs and through the castle, recognized by the guards who saluted him politely as he passed, and Joe smiled back. Though he did gain a few glances when he sat down in front of the spinning wheel, a man, but nothing too serious.

He set to work, setting the wool against the wheel, spinning it into twenty-three neat balls of wool, racing against the light. For he still had so much more to do before he could attempt to rescue Prince Ali. But, finally, he was finished, and he packed all of the balls into his backpack, and quickly headed back to Fred's, who let him keep the extra three balls, which was exactly what Joe had hoped he would do. But now, he had one last thing to do before he went back to Aggie..

----------

Ned was an old sailor who lived in a house north of Draynor Village's bank. He had a white goatee and curly hair, overshadowed by a baggy, blue hat with a shirt and pants of the same color. Now, he gruffly stood in front of Joe as he dug into his pack, slowly pulling out three balls of wool and setting them on the counter in front of him.

"So, what do you want me to make for you?" Ned stroked his goatee absentmindedly, and Joe smiled weakly. "A wig, if you don't mind." Ned raised an eyebrow. "How soon can you have it done?" Ned looked at him as he picked up the first ball of cotton. "In an hour or so. Maybe." Joe looked out the window. It was still mid-afternoon, but the sun was getting low in the sky. "How about in an hour?"

Ned looked at him, a flash in his eye. "I t'were in the navy, boy! You think I can't make a mere wig in an hour? We'll see about that, oh, by Beedy-Eye Jones I'll.." The man continued to rant like that for several minutes, and Joe sat back quietly until he began to make the wig. Joe payed no attention, pulling _The Shield of Arrav_ out of his pack, reading through it until Ned finally walked over to him. "Finished, laddie!"

Joe looked up, and Ned stood over him, holding a wig of fine wool hung over his hands, single strands of hair falling gracefully through his fingers. For an hour's work, Joe couldn't help admit that he was definitely impressed at the old sailor's handiwork. "Thanks!" He took it in his hand, slipping it into his pack, he nodded to Ned. But before the man could say anything, he had whisked back out the door towards Aggie's.

Joe knocked on Aggie's door once more, and she opened it for him, and he jumped again to the side, and she smirked. "You're an hour overdue for your skin paste." Joe shrugged. "I know, I know, I know." He walked inside and she walked over to a shelf and pulled a vial full of skin-colored liquid off of it, handing it to him.

Not wanting to waste time, he pulled the wig out of his pack and set it on to the counter, pulling out the yellow dye, and at the same time, putting the skin paste inside. He uncapped the dye, and poured it on to the wig, flipping it over and lifting up the air, and squeezing it hard to remove any excess and to soak it in. Aggie watched in interest until he was finished, and he lifted it up, looking at it in satisfaction.

"Thinking about going blonde?" Aggie raised an eyebrow, and Joe scowled. But, as he was putting away the wig, the edge of his pack tipped over and the vial of skin paste tipped out. He grasped at it, managing to catch it before it hit the ground, but the pink skirt slipped out and landed on the floor.

Aggie looked at it, then the strands of the wig hanging out of his pack, and then at Joe. "Well, Joe, I didn't know - ." Joe shouted. "Shut up!" He gathered up the skirt and stuffed the skin paste roughly into his pack, leaving a cackling Aggie behind.

----------

Joe had all he needed, except for some clay, which he quickly mined from the Varrock mines, along with some tin and copper ore, before hurrying on towards Draynor to meet up with Leela. Unfortunately, she found him. On the north path into Draynor, he was suddenly ambushed and whisked into the brush. As soon as he was let go, he spun around and pointed his scimitar at his attacker

"Good reflexes." Joe flinched, reminded of a certain which. But the person standing in front of him had silver hair, despite the fact that she was young. She was perfectly tanned, and wore tattered, brown clothes and a chrome circlet around her head. "Who are you?" He narrowed his eyes, and she laughed in amusement. "I am Leela, daughter of Osman, and you are Joe Player Killer?"

Joe raised his eyebrows, relaxing and sheathing his sword. "Yeah, was there really any need to be so rough?" Though, in true, he was embarrassed to have been apprehended so easily by a girl. Leela eyed him silently. "I was sent your description and told to wait for you, you are rather late. Do you have the disguise?" Joe nodded, patting his pack.

"Okay, no time to talk. You see that jail?" And she turned around, pointing to a brick building inside a circle of wooden fencing just to their southeast. Joe had seen it, had been watching it silently all day as he passed through Draynor Village, now his suspicions had been confirmed. "The first step is to get a mold of that key. Did you mine some clay to use?" Joe dug in his pocket, pulling out the small ball of clay. "Good, now, it's up to you to get it - Wait!" Suddenly she turned back to the main road, and Joe followed her gaze. But when he looked back at her to ask her what it had been, she was gone, and he left wondering how he'd fallen for that same trick twice now.

So, now he was alone. Joe lifted up the bucket, pressing the clay in his hand, he rolled it around in the small pool of water at the bottom. He set the bucket down, rolling the clay around in his hand to soak the water in. His plan was risky, and he had to do it quickly, but it was the only thing he could think of, and he still wished he'd never taken the job.

The jail was isolated in the middle of a large field to the east of Draynor Village, surrounded by a wooden fence with several openings at random intervals. It was made of grey bricks, and was surrounded by a few nettle patches. Guards armed with clubs circled around it, but unfortunately, they didn't appear as dumb as Osman made them out to be.

Joe took a deep breath, circling around to the southern side of the fence, slipping through an opening and hiding behind one of the lone four pillars on the south side of the jail. Why they were there, he didn't care, but it made for an easy break. The guards paced endlessly around it. And Joe cautiously slipped to the next pillar, and then the top-left pillar. The entrance was on the complete other side of the jail.

Joe looked around, one guard was on the left side of the building, looking out of a fence. He wiped sweat of his brow, and made a mad dash, darting through trees along the west wall of the building. He slid to a stop, trying to control his breathing, between a small cluster of trees that hid him from both the east and west. But he had to move fast, if a guard came too close..

But worst of all, there was one small tree between him and the door, and then there was a total clearing around it. If he didn't get to the door and inside in a second, they would sight him and probably kill him on the spot, and who knows what would happen to Prince Ali, who was assumably inside. But what if he wasn't? Joe's mind flashed with doubt for a moment, but he shook his head, and took the charge.

He flew to the first tree, only bracing himself for a moment, then took a daring leap across the clearing, his feet making almost no noise on the soft grass, and all at once, Joe was pulling the door open and shutting it behind him. He was inside. Joe let out all of his breath at once, opening his eyes, and a crossbow bolt was aiming between his eyes. "How the hell did you get in here?" She narrowed his eyes, and he realized all at once that this was Lady Keli, the Bandit Queen. She wore a revealing, purple shirt and a pink dress, her hair was straight and blonde, and two silver bands were around her wrists.

Joe swallowed, trying not to show his fear, and bowed. "Oh, Lady Keli, it is you!" Keli raised an eyebrow, lowering the crossbow. "My name is Wallace, and I too am a bandit. I was simply walking through Draynor, and, oh, I knew it was you!" She raised her other eyebrow, and he could see her pride in her eyes. "You are famous all over Runescape, Lady Keli! I have always enjoyed your work. Robbing all banks in Asgarnia at once, what a feat!" Lady Keli curtsied slightly, holding her head up proudly.

"Well, I don't like to brag, but I do have a way with my men. They are all fools putty in my hands." She flicked back her hair, and Joe tried to put on his best evil smile. "So, if you don't mind me asking, O Lady Keli," Joe learned toward her and whispered. "What is your latest great, dastardly plan?" Keli laughed in delight, forgetting he was an intruder.

"I have kidnapped Al Kharid's great Prince Ali. I have been asked to retrieve him for a great bounty, and how could I refuse? The security at their palace is so lax, it's pathetic. Of course, my guards aren't much better, but I'm quite sure they'll do." Keli frowned, as if repulsed by any hint of imperfection towards her, so Joe decided to change the subject. "You must have been very skillful, O Lady Keli. But, if you have so little confidence in your guards, how do you know that they won't just let the guards out?"

Lady Keli's eyes flashed for a moment, and Joe winced, but she continued. "Because, I have a key, and they do not. I am not stupid enough to let a bunch of imbeciles like them to be able to let him out." Joe smiled inwardly. "I'm just curious, may I see the key, my Bandit Queen?" She smiled cruelly. "But of course, though I don't know what good it will do." Keli reached into a pocket of her skirt and provided a small key, and Joe's eyes widened.

"I do not wish to impose, O Lady Keli. But my specialty is lock-picking, may I just see it for a moment?" He grasped the soft clay in his pocket, bracing himself. But perhaps the flattery was putting the Bandit Queen in a good mood, for she let him take it gently out of her hand. Then, in the blink of an eye, he took out his other hand and discreetly pressed the key deep into it, hiding the action behind his hands. He slipped the clay down between his fingers, gently dropping the key back into her hand.

Then he put his hand back down to his side, dropping the clay back into his pocket silently. "It _is_an excellently crafted key." Lady Keli laughed. "Not planning to break into my jail, are you, Mr. Wallace?" Joe cringed, looking for any sign of hostility, but she said it playfully, and he relaxed, hoping she didn't notice.

"Well, Lady Keli. It has been a complete honor to meet you, but, as much as I truly regret it. I must be going." Keli raised an eyebrow suspiciously, extending a hand toward him, and Joe blinked in confusement, then realized. Reluctantly, he bent down, taking her hand in his, and kissed it, hoping she didn't notice his hesitation, she didn't seem to. "Farewell, Lady Keli. Perhaps will be in the same bandit camp together someday." Keli watched him leave emotionlessly.

Joe had already closed the door behind him when he realized the guards were outside. But they had already noticed him, and since he was coming out of the house, they didn't even wonder how he got there, though better guards probably would have. Joe let out a breath and continued out of the nearest opening in the fence, heading into the village.

----------

After getting a safe distance away from Lady Keli's jail, Joe headed back around toward Al Kharid, taking a quick stop at a public furnace to smelt together his tin and copper ore into the bronze bar Osman had asked for. Joe blew out the flames and removed the bronze bar from the furnace, blowing on it to cool it down, he set it in his pack.

Now, he just had to find Osman, which wasn't as hard as he assumed it would be. He was waiting at the corner of the palace where Joe had seen him before. He looked as if he was expecting him, and with his network of spies, he didn't doubt that he did. Osman bowed to him in greeting, and Joe forced a smile. "I am assuming that you have got the mould of the key?" Joe nodded, digging in his pack.

The small ball of clay had hardened in his pack, the moisture seeping out of it, and the impression of the key was clear and detailed. "Excellent." Joe pulled the bronze bar out of his pack, handing it to him, Osman weighed it in one hand in satisfaction. "Good, that will be all. Leela will have the key ready for you by the time that you reach Draynor." Joe blinked, and Osman looked around cautiously, sticking the bar and the mold in his pocket.

Joe expected him to pull some trick to vanish on him, but Osman simply walked away, vanishing into the throng of people in Al Kharid.

----------

How Osman did it, Joe couldn't say, but he managed to get the finished bronze key to Leela in one piece when she ambushed him in the same spot, but he was ready for her. As she leaped from the brush, he swung around, drawing his scimitar at the same time, pointing it directly at her. She whistled. "Nice job, you'd make a great spy." Joe grunted in response.

Joe followed her into the woods, in she dug into her pockets, pulling out the bronze key, the dying light of the sun dipping below the horizon reflecting off of it. "Okay, here you go. Hurry, the light is failing, and its best if you hurry and finish your task now. People will be going into their homes, there will be no witnesses, and the guards, hopefully, will be getting bored and sleepy." Joe nodded, taking the bronze key out of her hand. This time, there was no trick, he just put the key in his pack and looked back at her, and she was gone.

Before going on with his task, Joe took a quick visit to a nearby bar to buy four mugs of beer, and he was off to Prince Ali's jail, to rescue him from the clutches of Lady Keli.

----------

Joe hid behind a row of trees on the northern side of the house, the clearing where the guards sat around a small campfire plain in his view, the door into the jail illuminated by the glow of the fire. Hopefully, the guards were as dumb as Osman, Leela, and Lady Keli claimed, or else he'd probably walk out of this dead.

But now, he left the shelter of the trees and walked directly towards him. The guards noticed almost immediately, and one stood up, hefting up his club. "Who're you?" And then he blinked. "You're that guy." Joe stared at them. "Who came out of the jail." Joe twitched. "Yeah, just coming back to see Lady Keli."

The fact that he had already been to see Lady Keli, and that he seemed so familiar with her, won the guards over immediately. The guard closest to him patted the grass. "C'mon, sit down with us!" Joe tried to laugh, though he suddenly felt very sorry for Lady Keli. "Actually, I brought some beer, but I'm sure Lady Keli wouldn't mind if I shared some with you fine fellows." The praise made the guards roar with approval, and he passed out the mugs of beer, pretending to drink his own.

An hour later, there were three drunken guards whooping and hollering in front of the jail, rolling on the grass like a couple of maniacs. Joe let out a high raspy cackle. "And then I, then I, hehe, I told him 'That's not a goblin, that's the Pastor!'" They all roared with laughter, and as Joe bent backwards, he quietly dumped his mug of beer into a nettle bush.

One of the guards fell asleep on the ground, and the other began chattering nonsense to eachother, blurry-eyed, they were completely oblivious as he snuck across the clearing towards the door. Softly, he opened it, stepping inside, and a moment later, it snapped shut, nearly decapitating him.

"You! I should have known!" Lady Keli swung out with her long sword, clanging into his armor painfully. Joe stumbled backwards, grasping for his scimitar. "You think I wouldn't hear my oafs for guards getting drunk right outside?" She swung out her sword in an arc, and he parried it, jumping backwards.

Now, it was his turn, as he jabbed his sword forward and slashed across the side of her stomach, and she snarled. "You wouldn't hit a girl, would you?" And she swung her sword blindly forward, and he countered, sending a jolt through the blades. They both stumbled backwards as it travelled down their arms. "I should give you more credit, Wallace." Joe laughed. "Uh-uh, the name's Joe!"

Joe ducked again as she swung out her sword, and he leaped behind her, and there was a small voice that echoed from the closed cell. "Hello? What's going on?" Keli stumbled, and Joe took his chance, sliding the curve of his sword under Keli's blade, he flipped it around hers, flinging it out of her hands. She growled, running for it, but he kicked the back of her knees, and she flew forward with a cry, knocking her head against the wall.

"Sorry, but I'm one of those guys who hits girls." Joe smiled grimly, panting. He kneeled down and pulled her up by the shoulders and dragged her over to a chair, which he slid her on to awkwardly. "Now.." He took the coil of rope from his pack, tying it around her gently, trying not to wake her, and he tied a knot nice and tight at the back.

"That should do." Joe rubbed his hands together, and someone yelled from not far away once again. "Hello? Is there anybody there?" There was fear in the voice. "Prince Ali!" Joe hurried over to the cell, fumbling for the copy of the key, he stuck it in the lock and swung open the door. A man looked up at him.

Prince Ali was dressed in the distinct purple shirt and orange pants, the colors of Al Kharid, along with a red cape. But all of it was torn, and smeared with dirt, and he was deathly pale, even under the customary deep tan of Kharidians. "Prince Ali, Hassan hired me to rescue you." Joe extended his hand, and the Prince looked at it for a moment with shaky eyes, and then took hold of it with a surprisingly good grip for his condition.

"Now, I have the guards outside intoxicated, but we'll need to get you into a disguise." The Prince looked at him in bewilderment as he pulled out a blonde wig, a pink skirt, and a jar full of skin paste, but when Joe looked at him, he nodded enthusiastically. Joe handed him the skirt, which he slipped over his normal pants, and he leaned forward to rub the skin paste over his face carefully.

Then, the Prince slipped the wig over his head and Joe tried to hide a smile. Though Ali certainly still held his masculine traits, this would surely do for three drunken guards. So, they both slipped outside and around the guards into the night. The guards paid them little mind until they thought about it the next morning as Lady Keli screamed upon waking.

----------

Prince Ali and Joe had spent the night at Lumbridge, much to Bob's astonishment, for Joe felt it best they wait until morning. But at the crack of dawn, Bob woke them and they set off at a fast pace for the desert city. They went around to the north entrance of the desert, so as to not be noticed at the toll gate, but long before noon, they arrived at the Palace of Al Kharid. But this time, Joe didn't look for Osman, but led the Prince into the room that he had seen Hassan in when he had first arrived.

"Hassan!"

The Chancellor appeared after a few moments from around the corner, looking irritated. "The King is – sweet soaring Saradomin!" Hassan exclaimed loudly, bowing down and worshipping the floor that Prince Ali walked. He looked at Joe awkwardly and he shrugged. "Umm.." Hassan looked up at him, and his face brightened. "Oh yes, your reward!" Joe shook his head, "Actually, that's not what I - ." But Hassan ignored him.

But the Chanceller ignored him, delving into a chest at the end of the room and pulling out a leather bag, showing him the contents, and Joe's eyes glazed over. "Seven hundred gold coins, all for you, great Player Killer! You shall be remembered and revered in Al Kharid for years to come as the savior of Prince Ali! I shall tell the guards at the toll gate that you shall forevermore have free passage between here and Lumbridge!" Joe's ears perked up.

"For free?"


End file.
